39 – Are You Stuck in Your Story? How to Find Freedom from Overthinking

0:04Lea WernliHallo!

0:05Shailia StephensNein, wir machen das weiter. Oh wait, wrong language. No, we keep going. We keep going. Our podcast is a little bit crazy. Anyway, I was about to start in German. Hi, Lea!

0:16Lea WernliHi, Celia!

0:19Shailia StephensGuys, if you knew what we just were doing. Lea is in the mountains. Lea, where are you? Which mountains are you at?

0:28Lea WernliMelchsee-Frutt, that's actually my home country. So that's where I, I really grew up. I was 3 years old. I remember staying on the skis like when I was very little with a Nuki. What's a Nuki?

0:43Shailia StephensWith a pacifier.

0:44Lea WernliWith a pacifier. And I probably could ski before I could walk and talk. So that was the the— where I learned it, that's where I am, in the middle of Switzerland.

0:59Shailia StephensWow, wow, that's amazing, Lea. And Lea has set up herself a little miniature podcast studio, which is amazing. She put some sort of black curtain behind herself, and, uh, she's got her son bringing her coffee. Like, she's actually there. Are you outside right now?

1:16Lea WernliNo, I'm inside, but, um, it's really just like a one room apartment, but a, a beautiful one. And the view, guys, I mean, if— do we have it?

1:28Shailia StephensWe have a video, so some people who are watching the video will see the view.

1:32Lea WernliLook at that.

1:34Shailia StephensWow. Oh my goodness. Oh, so for those of you who are listening, it's just a, a very snowy mountaintop. I mean, like Swiss Alps all the way. That looks beautiful, Leo.

1:47Lea WernliYes, it is. And I already have been on my snowboard with my younger son this morning. We were probably the first ones out.

1:58Shailia StephensWow. Little snow bunnies. And you know, it's funny, Lea, I was thinking how many times that you and I have gone on to go record a podcast and then that you or I were on vacation, mostly you. And I'm thinking the people who are listening to our podcast must think we're always on vacation. And we are a lot on vacation.

2:18Lea WernliWe are.

2:19Shailia StephensWe are. It's true. And a lot of times it's just when we find the time to do the podcast is when we have, uh, like some time off and we're not in the middle of a totally full coaching week or whatever is going on. So yeah.

2:33Lea WernliAnd actually, I mean, in our cases, in yours too, in mine too, we do have a lot of workation. We go somewhere, but still we are working. But actually this week I promised my sons and my husband that I just do this and nothing else, because it became kind of a habit. And I realized, um, that's not that good of an idea. And I really also need time to just, um, do other things, not thinking about my business, um, not catching up kind of when I'm not in the business. So it— I'm— this year is all about having a good look what I'm doing and maybe even, um, ameliorate. Do you say that? Uh, improve the systems in a way as well.

3:37Shailia StephensOkay, well, you know who to come to because you know that's like my forte. You come like just Put up your hand and say, Shellya, I need some time with you, and I'll help you out.

3:46Lea WernliI will, I will.

3:48Shailia StephensAll right.

3:49Lea WernliAnd it's really, really important because I'm extremely good at living life, and I'm learning a lot with, um, all the skills that we need in life and systems and having a good look at how and what you're doing, actually doing. It's, it's a part that Also makes it easier.

4:13Shailia StephensYeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So Leah asked me before we got on the call, like, did I have some things to talk about? And I was like, oh yeah, this week I have a lot of topics. So before I take off on vacation tomorrow, we're going to spend some time today, Leah, just chatting about a few things.

4:31Lea WernliYes.

4:32Shailia StephensAnd so, well, are you interested in the first thing that I brought along with me?

4:38Lea WernliYes, please.

4:38Shailia StephensShe has to say yes because otherwise it's like—

4:44Lea WernliActually, it's a yes game. We always say yes to each other. Actually, it's true.

4:51Shailia StephensYeah, we do actually. It's like an impro theater, improvisational theater. You have to say yes to the person before you, otherwise the game stops. So, so yeah, I want to talk about something that maybe a little bit controversial. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe it's not at all controversial, but, um, I'm gonna groove on into it and then just see where it takes us. So a lot of the stuff that— or I mean, the majority of things we talk about on the podcast besides our private lives are the 3 principles of mind, consciousness, and thought.

5:25And, um, Leah and I have been looking in this direction together for years. And Leah, like something has been becoming kind of more obvious to me in the last couple of weeks and months. And it's, I wanna, I wanna talk about the contrast first. And the contrast that I wanna begin with is the principle of thought.

5:49Lea WernliMm-hmm.

5:49Shailia StephensAnd for all people who are new to the podcast and, and maybe don't know, it's just the idea that, What— wherever our focus is on what we're thinking creates our reality, right? So if we have our attention on difficult thinking, we're going to be having a more difficult feeling experience. If we have our focus on better thoughts, we're going to be having a nicer experience. It's that simple. And one of the things that can be really helpful in the conversation when you're stuck in negative or darker thinking, let's just call it that.

6:29I hate to qualify it that way, but sometimes it's the easiest way to point out the contrast. One of the things that can be very relaxing to your state of being is this idea that you don't have to fight the experience that you're having.

6:48Lea WernliMm-hmm.

6:48Shailia StephensIt's passing through you, it's transient, it's fluid. The thought in and of itself is an energy that's always passing through us. in a way, I've heard this many times in the Three Principles conversation, and it can be really helpful for some clients, Leah, is that you're not the manager of the experience. You're, you're not responsible for making one experience over the other experience happening.

7:16Lea WernliYeah.

7:16Shailia StephensMm-hmm. Um, particularly in situations where you, where there's a really heavy, busy mind, like let's say in situations where someone is maybe suffering from a bit of compulsive thinking or circular thinking, and they're trying to make it go away. They're trying to find— they're trying to find their way to a quieter mind.

7:39Lea WernliMm-hmm.

7:40Shailia StephensAnd in the trying, in the efforting of trying to do something with the thinking or let it go or be more quiet, a lot of times they go in the opposite direction because it just adds on an extra layer of thought. Like, this thought experience that I'm having is not good. It's bad. It's uncomfortable. It should be different. And in the thinking, it should be different, I'm basically adding a layer of thinking to the thinking. So I see where this idea of your experience is your experience and just let it be what it is kind of a situation can be really a healthy way to look at it.

8:21And that's the— so that's the contrast. And now on the other end of the spectrum, I wanna talk about something that I've been noticing, like in coaching with clients recently, but also with myself last year, like some of the stuff that I was going on, going through. Sometimes we get so married, like we literally, we go into a marriage with a good deal of heavy thinking about ourselves, our lives, others, or the world. And we've got this big, huge, juicy story going on about what's not going well, about how, how we're different and others don't, don't know what we're going through because they haven't, they're not going through this.

9:15It's harder for me. Um, I hear a lot of people say things like, Yeah, I know it's thought, but that's easier said than done. Um, kind of a, kind of a thing. And I wanted to look in the direction. I know this is like a little bit, maybe a lot and confusing right now, but maybe we'll get, get it sorted out, Leah. What I had to see for myself last year after being married to a big thought story for a year or 2 years, I don't know. I don't, wouldn't even know how long it went on. is I had to wake up that I was holding that story very much in, um, sort of a sacred position in my life. Um, I was going around and I was, I was trying to get accomplices and agreeers.

10:12Lea WernliHmm.

10:13Shailia StephensI wanted people to agree with me that this is really tough. Now, this is really hard what's going on with me. Like, I'm, I'm really having a lot of panic attacks and I'm really having a lot of anxiety, and I'm really having a lot of depressive thoughts. And this isn't comfortable. And this is— and I was looking to solidify the experience by getting people to come over to my side of the story and say, oh, yes, that looks very difficult what Shelly is going through. That really would be hard if I were going through that. And I had to realize that the only thing between myself and happiness was letting go of that story.

10:58Lea WernliMm-hmm.

11:00Shailia StephensRight? And that I had it in my hand, in my free will, to wake up to that and do that in a way.

11:11Lea WernliMm-hmm.

11:12Shailia StephensAnd so I wanted to talk about that a little bit today, Leah, this letting go of that stuff, like just giving people some hope that it's maybe a lot easier than they think. And maybe they've just developed a marriage to their story and a high tolerance for a lot of pain. So I'm going to close my mouth and see what you— Have to say about that.

11:41Lea WernliSo I, I will ask you the most common question that comes up, like, with every new— or even not just new client, but what they would ask right now is, yeah, great, Shelia, tell me how. How did you do that? What did you do? How did it work? Why did it work suddenly? What was it?

12:14Shailia StephensYeah.

12:16Lea WernliSo.

12:17Shailia StephensYeah, I know.

12:18Lea WernliWhat was it?

12:20Shailia StephensYeah, I know. I know. Well, first of all, what it was was I prayed. I had a little prayer. I pray a lot. I pray to my higher self, my inner self, the universal intelligence. I speak with mind. I speak with God, like whatever your language is, is gonna say about it. And I just said, I am stuck here and I would love to have a spiritual insight. I literally, Leah, prayed for a spiritual insight.

12:57Lea WernliMm-hmm.

12:57Shailia StephensAnd that's what I got, a spiritual insight.

13:07Lea WernliI love that so much that we are opening this up for the people that are listening to us, because I do exactly the same. I do whatever occurs to me to do.

13:26Shailia StephensHmm.

13:26Lea WernliFor you, it was prayer. It was positive thinking as well, like with, like, the miracle guys. Who are they? Grace and Dominic.

13:41Shailia StephensDominic.

13:43Lea WernliYou did look in the direction that mind, wisdom, that God did show you. And sometimes when we are in the discussion or in the principles, we get afraid to do things that could help. And I'm always for whatever occurs to the people that might help. And I even shared something that just was on my mind, and I'm not sure if it's true or if it's not true, but I did like for 15 years, I, I worked with energy psychology. I, I was a practitioner even. I did it for myself.

14:33It was quite hidden. It was not that I worked with clients on that. I was like in teachers college and counseling and coaching. So I did it mostly for myself or friends. But I did that and I was 1,000 times better 15 years later than I was 15 years before. And Then I had the huge insight around the principles and that I'm, uh, all oneness in a Leo strange body-mind thing. So who the F knows if this work that I did prior was really helping to already have a calmer mind and hearing something because I already was in a in a calmer state. So for 7 years, that healed part was enough.

15:35Shailia StephensMm-hmm.

15:37Lea WernliThat deep seeing of, whoa, I'm a spiritual being having a human experience. I feel my thinking and I know what to do. One step after another was enough. And a year ago, I had a bloody punch into my nose, and I fell on— like, really, it took me from behind. And in a way, it was retriggering old thinking as well. It was retriggering, like, really insecure stuff. And I, I, I did sit with that, and I felt into that, and I just was exploring what, what, what helps.

16:32I often ask the question, what could help? And I did some energy psychology again, and I, I really was sitting with the shame and guilt again. After 7 effing years, nothing. And I just saw, oh, maybe that's another layer on my journey of healing. And not forgetting that I'm not broken and that I'm in the essence whole and perfect and God and human in God and whatever, how, how we want to call it, but to see, oh. Maybe in my human journey, it could be that there is something new to see and to just be humbled enough to not thinking I have to know it, and I'm just allowed to look in the direction of the principles and stuff like that.

17:36Shailia StephensYeah.

17:37Lea WernliJust be. with whatever is and, and open up to what occurs and do what helps. And no one is there to judge.

17:52Shailia StephensMm-hmm.

17:54Lea WernliJust tuning into yourself and your inner wisdom, and then it is okay whatever calls you to do. So yeah, I really love that, that we are sharing very open, um, what we did. And just to let you know, we don't say do that.

18:22Shailia StephensNo.

18:23Lea WernliWe say feel whatever wants to be done, or what direction, or where do you want to look.

18:34Shailia StephensYeah. I love that, Leah. Thank you for that. That was just a beautiful way of pointing in the direction of everybody's individual, personal, deep intelligence that comes from mind. And what I want to add to that is, and these are not my words, these are Harry Derbitsky's words, like he's talking sometimes about when God throws you a lifeline, take it, you know. And that's what I would deeply hope for all the people who are stuck in their habitual thought-created story, whatever it looks like, you know, the way I was before, is to know that this deeper intelligence is always putting a lifeline out to you.

19:21It's like, you know, whether you're in the mountains and you're stuck in an avalanche, you're getting somebody's giving you a lifeline in a way. And, but you have to take it.

19:32Lea WernliMm-hmm.

19:33Shailia StephensYou have to, you have to notice it. You have to, you have to follow it. That's your job. And I think that that's sometimes what people are, are missing in a way. And it's not, this is not meant to be accusatory. This is not to put fault on people. Because, Leah, you know, we're having these conversations because we love everyone. We want everyone to have come out of their suffering and have a more beautiful experience of life. And we spend a lot of time talking with people about the innocence of how we're holding on to our thinking and holding it fixed and solid.

20:12You know, we don't want to shame anybody for that. And I want to empower the people out there you know, you can take the lifeline. You can do what Leia did. And she's, you know, she looked in the direction and thought, okay, maybe some energetic work would be helpful right now. She had that thought, but she had to do it. She had to take the lifeline. She had to move in the direction that wisdom was taking her. And sometimes it doesn't make a lot of sense.

20:50You know what I'm— do you know what I mean, Leah? Like, you'll get sometimes this answer from within yourself and it doesn't make any sense at all. It doesn't— it, it, in any way does it— in any way does it look like it's a lifeline or it's gonna help you out of your situation. But trusting the feeling of it, you, you do know. Does that make sense, Leah, when I say that?

21:15Lea WernliIt does. And it's— I will say a word and Shaleia will correct me. It's before the but. But—

21:26Shailia StephensYeah, before the word but in your head.

21:30Lea WernliI want to do that, or that could be helpful. Oh no, but I can't, and I shouldn't, and that's weird. And so that's the head wanting us to be safe and secure and not doing things that it doesn't know. So just to, to be okay with staying there and exploring and, and having these notches and, and to, to trust that, that there is something to see in that feeling, as Shelly said it. But sometimes people are so caught up in their head that they don't feel it, but they, they know.

22:10or they see, or they had these signs, or whatever it is that points you in, in, in another, in another direction, often that you think you should take or do or go. Often it is another one, not always, but you, you feel it, you know it, you hear it, you see it. Something deep inside of you knows, and to, to start to trust that 1% more, 1% more at the time. And it's so helpful.

22:49Shailia StephensYeah. Well, so now I'm going to play the client, Leah, for you, because I've heard this like so many times the last couple of weeks. Yeah, Shalia and Leah, Like, I've been trying to feel my wisdom. I've been asking myself questions, but I cannot tell the difference between my busy thinking and what's my wisdom. Like, how do you do that? Like, how can I, how can I figure that out? Like, I hear what you're saying, Leah, but like, I don't know if I can actually feel that the way that you're saying it. I don't think I can.

23:24Lea WernliOh, I so understand you. Oh, I hear you. Do you know what I did put on a— what's that?

23:37Shailia StephensA questionnaire.

23:38Lea WernliQuestionnaire on one of my first coaching trainings. That was— there was a questionnaire about intuition. On 0 is zero intuition, I can't feel it, I don't have it. 10 is like, yeah, hell yes, I'm the bloody intuitive healer, medium, guide, whatever. I did put a 2 on that, like for real. I couldn't see, feel, know. I was convinced that I couldn't, so I get that. And I know that will sound really, really, really boring. It is a training. It is like going to the gym. It is really opening up to explore, to just open up, like, as I said before, 1% of, is that like quinced? Do you say that? Do I feel zusammengezogen?

24:49Shailia StephensTight. Yeah, tight.

24:54Lea WernliYeah, is there a tightness maybe in my body, maybe in my thinking, maybe in my feeling? You can feel tightness, all of us can. Just right now, just have a look in this moment. Do you feel tight or relaxed? Ah, interesting data point. Just start there. Just notice. And that was a little tight here because the sun shines and podcast, and I don't know if my son is making some noise beside me. Ah, and back. And to come back to tight. Or a little bit relaxed in this moment.

25:50That's already enough. And my head also wants to know, what am I going to do in my business in 3 weeks? And I have to know, and the purpose, and I have to feel mind and intuition through me. No, I can't. That's just not how we are made. We are made for this moment in time. And Shelley asked me just right before we started, do you still want to do the podcast? Because you said something last time. And I was like, oh, breathing, feeling, of course I want to do it.

26:35Shailia StephensAh.

26:38Lea WernliRight now. And maybe in 5 months we will have the same discussion and I will feel, maybe it's too much and we'll take a break, both of us, for both of us. That's fine. And why am I so calm about that? Maybe your head is spinning and saying, I can't do that. And that's insane. And if I don't know what's happening in 3 months, I mean, hello, who's doing that? We all do that because there is no other effing way. We always just feel the things in the moment.

27:18And why I'm relaxed, or relaxer than I used to be, is that I, I explore, I experiment, I, I see in hindsight, oh, it's true. in every situation that came up, I had it again. And I could maneuver whatever was there. Oh, that's good to know. So the playful— am I tight or relaxed? Am I in my thinking, like stressful and anxious, whatever it is? Or am I able to come back for a little tiny bit, like even if it's just 10 seconds, it does something. And I trust that that does something.

28:16And it will, it will open up my capacity for more. So it is, it is some kind of exercising, it is some kind of exploring, it is a being willing to start to hear the, the very, very, very tiny, not loud music that points in a direction. It is to trust love more than fear. So it's, it's all in there. And being willing to be human and fail and not having it right at the first time. Um, it's all of it in a way. So what did you hear, my dear Shelia client?

29:16Shailia StephensMy dear Shelia client? No, I just hear a lot of wisdom in there, and I don't, I don't even want to add anything to that except for one thing that I've been seeing really clearly and what I really would like to give to all of my clients who are struggling with their busy, busy mind and suffering because of it, I would want to— I'd want to talk about the metaphor of when you're driving at night. Leah, do you know, like, when we're driving at night and there's these bright lights coming in the opposite direction, right?

29:55And my, my— when I first started learning to drive in driving school in Germany, when I did it in Munich, You know, I was at night driving really nervous, and I always wanted to look while I was driving at the lights, but they would blind me. And my driver teacher told me, no, what you want to do is you want to not look at the lights. So put your attention away from that shining bright light that's blinding you and look at the road. You know, you want to focus on the thing you want.

30:26You want to stay on the road. And that's what I would want to give as we're ending to everyone is like, get, get, look at the thing you want. If you want wisdom, look at wisdom. You want happiness, look at happiness. Like you want a good feeling, look at a good feeling. Put your eyes on that. Be, be, let that be the thing that's where your eyes are when you're driving through life. And so many people in, in including myself last year when I was in that situation, I was just constantly looking into the blinding light, the blinding light, the blinding light, and wondered why I'm getting blinded by the light and not being able to drive straight, right?

31:08There's something in there too about you have to have this internal desire to be happy.

31:15Lea WernliYeah, and, and I think it's in this internal desire that Like you, you become capable and strong enough to take your hands off your effed up thinking for a moment.

31:30Shailia StephensYeah.

31:30Lea WernliAnd really sitting back in the driver's seat. So now we, we have a few metaphors together, but it's like, as you said, you're in the driver's seat, you are able to Yeah. And I wanted to have less trauma. It was really, that was an insight, that was a wanting, that was something that for that I was willing to try out not to look in the blinding light.

32:18Shailia StephensYeah. Yeah. That's so beautiful, Leah. So that was a great first episode. I'm ready to like close it up. What do you think, Leah? It feels, feels round and solid to me. Should I, should I say a few words to leaving?

32:34Lea WernliYes.

32:35Shailia StephensGreat. So, um, thanks for listening to us today. We, we hope that you heard something for yourself. We hope you can hear our love for you, our belief in you, our Our hope for your future, full of wisdom and joy and lacking drama. Like, not— and not that these moments of suffering, they belong to our spiritual journey too. It's cool.

32:59Lea WernliIt's cool.

33:00Shailia StephensYou can be— you're fine. You're totally fine. And it all belongs to the human experience. But maybe you have seen something a little bit fresh or heard something fresh today, and that would be cool. Keep listening in. And tell a friend if you think that they could benefit from it. Uh, give us a follow on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, and we'll see you soon in the next episode. And Leah is turning off the recording today because I am not recording, just to let her know.

33:29Lea WernliHappy.