38 – Learning to Love the Learning: A Story of Persistence

0:02Lea WernliHi and welcome back to Time for You. So grab your coffee or tea, sit back, or maybe you want to go on a walk. Just take some time off just for you. That would be cool. And we are here again. I'm Leah Wendtli and I'm in Zurich now and I'm with my lovely, beautiful, and intelligent, crazy, good-looking friend, Shelia Stevens.

0:36Shailia StephensYeah, I'm gonna let you introduce me every time I go anywhere.

0:40Lea WernliYeah. So what is it about? I, I had an analogy, um, with a little group. I'm having at the moment, or I will tell them. I didn't tell them right now, but I, I, I really want to tell them about my experience. And what is it about? It's about learning things, and it's about being insecure, and it's about not being good.

1:17Shailia StephensHmm.

1:18Lea WernliAt something. And it's about still doing it no matter what. So, um, I'm talking about, uh, I, I learned something new and it's around money. If few of you guys are into that as well, I'm somehow into that and I'm into that already for a couple of years, but I, I used to be more of a just a user somehow. I didn't do a lot. I just did a couple of steps and I just repeated them, and that was fine. And a couple of weeks ago, I had just this really inner feeling.

2:09We, Shelley and myself, we often say I had the hands on my back, like something just I knew I have to go deeper. I need to learn more. If I want to stay in this game, I, yeah, I need to upgrade. And it was, and I didn't like it that much. I have to be honest. It was not like this, yes, and let's do that. And whoa, it was more like, oh, what? The, if really, okay, how, where. So I just, I accepted that I felt, yeah, there is something new to learn and there is something to see and there are things to change around this topic.

3:05And it doesn't matter what topic it is. It's just an example for me. And why I want to talk to my group about it, it's they want to build a coaching business. A lot of them, they want to switch career or, or really, um, yeah, start something new or start the coaching business. And often there are steps There are things we need to learn. There are things we need to do. There are things we, we don't know yet how, and it's uncomfortable. And our mind really, really doesn't like us to be beginners.

3:53Shailia StephensMm-hmm.

3:53Lea WernliAnd our mind really doesn't, um, like us to fail or to make a fool out of ourselves. or to make mistakes or to not know or to not understand. And I get it. I get it. I, I have 8 years of being self-employed and even more years of being a coach. So I, I'm in another, um, learning curve in that area. It's easier, certain things, not all of it, but I did them 100 times and so on. But in this area where I'm, I need to learn new things, it's even an area I'm not that good. I probably even won't become really good.

4:54Shailia StephensMm-hmm.

4:56Lea WernliMy ego, my mind, my intellect really does not like that at all. I probably— I will be average or even less than average in this area. So, whoa, that's uncool.

5:16Shailia StephensYeah.

5:17Lea WernliAnd I still need to put in hours. I talk about hours, not minutes, not just a little, not like a bit hours of things to do I'm not really good at. I don't like that much, and still I just know I need to.

5:36Shailia StephensYeah.

5:39Lea WernliAnd what's really interesting, because I live with the knowing of the principles in action, I'm able to do hard things. I'm able to be with things that I'm not good at. I'm— I don't give up that easily, um, even if it does my head in. I, I have thought storms. I do. And I still stay in it. And that's just so interesting to, to, to see and to experience because it doesn't have to be easy. It doesn't have to feel good. It doesn't have to be smooth and, and just—

6:45Shailia StephensFlowy.

6:47Lea WernliYeah, not at all. And it is because of course the reward is I see more clearly. I do understand certain things. Things click. I make a mistake 1, 2, 3 times, but maybe the 4th I don't. So there is a learning curve and there is a path to change. And I'm able to do it also the hard way. And it could be that I have an insight and it's going to be very easy or easier, but I don't wait for the insight. I can be on that, um, track. And it's not willpower somehow. I can't describe it really. It's, it's more, it's again the trust of I just know I need to see more. And so I immerse myself into that topic. Does that make sense? I don't know. What do you hear?

8:12Shailia StephensI mean, yes, it makes sense. Like, I so get it. And I had to laugh a little bit on the inside because, like, one of the things that Lea is doing right now, she told me in our pre-discussion, is she's working on Excel spreadsheets. And you have to know about Lea that when we were doing our business together a couple of years ago, If there's anything that would take Leah completely off course, is all I had to do was open an Excel spreadsheet and she would, she would like shut down.

8:45Just like, I could see her eyes glazing over, her cheeks getting red, like just everything. It's like, I've never seen a piece of technology take someone more off their normal— state of mind than an Excel spreadsheet. And just, just to know that's what you're doing right now and you're, you're just going daily with that spreadsheet and the discomfort of it, it tells me a lot because I know how much you hate Excel spreadsheets. And for me, Leah—

9:18Lea WernliYes, I do.

9:20Shailia StephensYou do. And for me, I'm going through a very similar experience right now, changing the way I'm creating clients. And you know, um, that, you know, I— Leah got me onto Isla Coates and Steve Chandler and this whole like service instead of selling. And it's like a 180-degree difference to what I was doing before with content marketing and, and the way— the things I learned in 30 years of marketing. So I'm literally I'm literally unlearning the old way and learning the new way, being a total beginner in it. And Leah, for you, when you went to Ayla, I remember you telling me, oh, it was so easy because I was already doing that anyway. I was just learning from Ayla to make conscious—

10:11Lea WernliCorrect.

10:12Shailia StephensWhat I was already subconsciously doing. Um, whereas for me, it is an, an entirely new skill set and I am coming up against my inner resistance to that every single day. I'm in, um, I see the internet is a little bit unstable, Leah, but it looks good on my end still. Um, I'm in resistance to the reach out every week. I, you know me, Leah, I hate writing emails. I hate writing emails. Leah, when, when an email— when an email would come in in our business, Lea would say, I'll take the email. And I would be like—

10:53Lea WernliIt was poor Shelia.

10:55Shailia StephensYeah. Yeah. Lea would be like, oh, I'll take the emails. I'll answer those emails. Like, I'll be, I'll take the spreadsheet, right? I'll do that. And this involves a lot of writing emails and reaching out to people. Or I'm in resistance about coaching for free. You know, like me, I'm like, if it doesn't convert in 30 minutes to 40 minutes, I'm not doing it. And this is taking weeks, months of coaching before, like, and I'm all up in my head about it, like, because I'm making mistakes left and right.

11:30I'm falling back into the old paradigm. I'm, I'm falling back into transactional thinking and impatience. I'm going too fast. Um, and I— it's so relatable because it's like, I I don't even consider quitting to learn this, to master this, because something inside of me— I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna call it my inner knowing— is telling me keep going.

12:00Lea WernliYeah.

12:00Shailia StephensRight? That's what you call the hands on your back. It's something in us that is looking, keep going or not keep going? And something is saying it feels very uncomfortable. It's not easy. I'm struggling. My mind is— my little brain is coming up with a million reasons why I should stop. But I know not to stop.

12:20Lea WernliYeah.

12:21Shailia StephensAnd I'm sitting in the discomfort of that.

12:23Lea WernliYeah. What I'm wondering, why are we so okay with that even though we don't even know if we will succeed? You know what I mean?

12:37Shailia StephensYeah.

12:37Lea WernliThat's very interesting to me because for my mind, that's just totally crazy. And still I'm doing it.

12:45Shailia StephensYou know, I don't know what it is really. I, maybe this is making something up, but I can tell you what my, my rational mind says about that. Whether I, so let's take this service instead of selling.

12:59Lea WernliI'm, yeah.

13:00Shailia StephensAnd then we'll look at your example. So I don't know if it's the way for me in the future. I can't tell if I'll get successful at it or not. I mean, I do have some indications that it's working here and there and it's Maybe it will work, but I just tell myself, I will never know if I don't put my heart and soul into it and try.

13:22Lea WernliMm-hmm.

13:23Shailia StephensUm, when I was building my coaching business 15 years ago, the first 3 years were a catastrophe. I did a lot with very minimal results in getting clients and making money, but I just kept saying to myself, you know, I feel the inside knowing to keep going, and if I don't do it, I will never know. if I can bring it to fruition or not. You know what I mean? And there's also something—

13:52Lea WernliI love that. Yeah.

13:54Shailia StephensYeah, go ahead. Go ahead, Leah.

13:57Lea WernliI just, I just quote, but I can't remember from whom it was. It's a mind Not peace of mind, but mindset. No, not mindset. How do you call it? What? Sorry. The quote is, don't think about the right decision, make the decision right.

14:29Shailia StephensMm.

14:30Lea WernliAnd that's what I felt like. Yeah, we never know. So we just go and we feel. the navigation system pointing in that way, and we trust the navigation system, and we, we, we don't— or I, I don't think about, oh, I made the wrong choice, you know what I mean?

14:54Shailia StephensYeah.

14:54Lea WernliBecause I just made the choice, choice, and I just did go with what made sense to me at that moment, and I just took the step. So it's really making the decision right no matter what. And even when I fail, that's okay because I learned a lot. I learned to sit with Excel spreadsheet. I know, guys, for you guys that's probably crazy, but I really don't like it. And that, that will be helpful. I'm I know it. It's so— it doesn't matter somehow. Yeah, because it's learning, being in life and learning, and, and being okay with being a learner.

15:47Shailia StephensYeah, it's that. And also what's coming to me, Leah, is I have this faith in myself that if God is whispering go, he will also whisper when it's time to stop.

15:59Lea WernliMhm.

16:00Shailia StephensYou know, like, I just know if, if there is coming a time when I should stop doing it, um, whether it's working or not, I will just get that information. I will know to do that, and I, I will know to do it. And, you know, it doesn't mean I always follow that knowing. Sometimes I keep going with something much longer than I, than I need to. Um, yeah, I think you probably have a—

16:28Lea WernliWe all do.

16:29Shailia StephensYeah, yeah. But I get the information. If, and if I can follow it, I will just stop. Just like for years I had this inner knowing to try to figure out list building over Facebook ads, and I, I worked on it for like 10 years. It never worked for me the way it worked for other people, and I kept going with it and going with it as long as I felt the inner knowing to go with it. I learned a ton, but at some point—

16:58Lea WernliMm-hmm.

16:59Shailia StephensI got the inner knowing to stop and I haven't touched them since. And it doesn't mean I won't pick them up again, but it's something like it's in us to know when to stop and when to go, really.

17:12Lea WernliYep. Yes, it is. And I stopped a lot of things last year again. And even, and that's so cool with really trusting that part in ourselves because it's for our mind or intellect, it's sometimes really not that understandable why we do or we don't or why we continue to do or why we stop. But in hindsight, it almost every time it does make a lot of sense. And so I don't have, even don't have to know it in the moment why. And I love it that I'm not that attached anymore to the why as I used to be.

18:09Shailia StephensYeah.

18:10Lea WernliI just know, oh, oh yeah, it's time to stop. Okay, that's fine. And Oh, it wasn't the time to stop before. Oh, okay, that's fine. So just to, to be curious and, and yeah, be playful as well, even in staying on track or be in this journey. That's, that's very cool. And Yeah. To not resist learning in a way. What I see deeper and deeper is, oh yeah, there is something to see probably. Oh, there is something to learn. Oh, interesting. Oh, here. Oh, I didn't want to. Okay. So It's kind of similar to, to just feel what there is to feel. It's this, it's a never-ending journey of learning as well.

19:25Shailia StephensYeah. Yeah. I love what you just said about not resisting the learning. And I'll take that back to my service instead of selling thing. Like I was on a I was on a call with, um, Isla in the group. I haven't seen you there in a while, by the way. You haven't been coming to the calls, or you've been in the background?

19:44Lea WernliI didn't have time because of December. Because of December.

19:48Shailia StephensYeah, yeah. And, and Isla was, you know, she was seeing like my struggle, and she was kind of asking like, well, what could you do to make it more enjoyable? Or, you know, what, what is it that is juicy in there for you? And I realized Nothing I can do, nothing I can do is going to make it more joyful or juicy. I just have to stop resisting the learning.

20:14Lea WernliYes.

20:14Shailia StephensAnd as soon as, as soon as I saw that, it just got so much easier and things started working more easily in, in general, you know. So yeah, sometimes we just gotta stop resisting the learning.

20:34Lea WernliMm-hmm. Yeah, that's it.

20:38Shailia StephensWe're done.

20:41Lea WernliWe're done. Bye. Yeah. Yeah. Never done. We're never done. And that's so okay.

21:01Shailia StephensYeah, we're not done. We're definitely not done. I could, I could talk about this for another hour, Leah, because, you know, because we are constantly in a state of new learning. And before, before this thing, there was a thing before, and before that thing, there was a thing before, you know. So yeah, I hope you've heard something today in this. And Leah, if you need help with your spreadsheets, let me know. Do you want to take us out, Leah?

21:38Lea WernliYeah. So yeah, it doesn't have to be joyful. Isn't that a relief? Just, yeah, less resisting to learning. I really, really love that. And I, I'm just very grateful that you are listening to this, to us, because you're a part of this. We couldn't do that without you listening. So...

22:17Shailia StephensThank you.

22:18Lea WernliUm, yeah, just want to thank you, and, um, I hope that you will listen in again. And, um, see you next time. And maybe you would like to share this a bit crazy episode with Leah and Celia and spreadsheets and, and new ways of creating clients. And it's for every single person, it's something different. And it's the mechanics are the same. And our mind makes it very personal around what it's important to us or where we are resisting, but it's universal.

23:16So it could help your aunt or mother or daughter. And yeah, it would be cool if you would maybe invite them too to this conversation. So, and let us know if you want to. You also could write to us. And I will answer every email, I promise. Shellya knows that. So we would love to hear from you guys. And hear you, see you next time. Bye. Bye.