36 – A December to Remember: Navigating Life's Unexpected Twists

0:03Shailia StephensHello and welcome back to a new episode of Time for You. My name is Shelley Stevens, coming to you from right around the corner from Frankfurt am Main in Germany, and I'm with my beautiful friend and colleague Leah Vandley in Zurich, Switzerland. Hi, Leah.

0:17Lea WernliHi.

0:19Shailia StephensSo we are recording today on the 27th of December, 2024. And so we've just finished almost the month of December, had, um, the whole Christmas thing. And, um, Leah and I were just meeting before the podcast episode. And Leah, we spoke for pretty much an hour, um, catching up on what's going on in Leah's life, what's going on in my life, and how was your Christmas and so forth. And it was so interesting because what Leah did not tell me was that she was sitting in front of the fire and had a hot cocoa, and the tree lights were blinking, and everything was relaxed.

1:00And I also did not tell her that. We both had one hell of a December. And we were— we're not gonna talk about details. Like, a lot of the things that happened in the month of December were just private.

1:17Lea WernliMeaning? Yeah.

1:20Shailia StephensThey were involving people we love, our friends, our family, our clients. And a lot of the situations that we were confronted with in that time were kind of alarming bits of emergencies, medical situations, existential life situations, just full-on craziness. you, like, you wouldn't believe. Like, I told Leah, you couldn't write a book about this December. And as she was telling me her version of December, I was just sitting there with my jaw on the floor, and vice versa.

2:03And I'm like, oh my goodness, you wouldn't believe. Okay, this is what happened here. And the interesting thing is that Both Leah and myself, we're in such a good mood. We are in such a good internal grounded space. And we were throughout all of December, despite all of the things that were happening. And we can talk about that. Yes, Leah?

2:31Lea WernliYes, we will.

2:33Shailia StephensYeah. And so, yeah, Leah, So what is there to talk about that? Like, uh, go ahead. Yeah.

2:44Lea WernliI don't know. When you were talking, I just thought maybe, I mean, there are a million different views on how life should be or how life is or how life should look or, um, what's a good life or Whatever. Every, everyone, every person on Earth has probably their own take on that. But what I just saw when you were speaking is this. Yeah, either, either you can go out and try to change it on the outside, like it has to be good, it has to be, uh, the perfect December, uh, to, to have a perfect Christmas, to whatever.

3:37Or, um, somehow there is another perspective to, to really be with whatever is and, and to calibrate yourself in it. And not even— it doesn't have to be always like really aware, but it's, it's, it's kind of like a, a, uh, how to be in life, uh, not even a philosophy but more of a state, probably.

4:15Shailia StephensHmm.

4:15Lea WernliAnd that's— that just came to mind, like both of us had Really this strange and crazy and also even events who, who could make you depressed or anxious.

4:38Shailia StephensTerrified.

4:40Lea WernliTerrified. When you look, um, like from this narrative of that something can cause you A feeling. And to be in that and to, to just really feel it deep in your bones that it, it's possible to be okay no matter what. That's so incredible, liberating in a way.

5:14Shailia StephensMm.

5:15Lea WernliAnd it, it— there is a, a strength in it, and it's not me being strong, it's the, the faith in, oh, that's how it really works, or it works for me at the moment, and, oh, and I, I'm able to relay on no matter what. That's so cool. So it's not doing, it's really in the being and to navigate from there. And not, I don't have to have figuring it out.

6:00Shailia StephensYeah.

6:01Lea WernliBefore, but I just know, yeah, whatever. whatever life is throwing at me or is around me or with the people I love and care about, I'm able to navigate that.

6:21Shailia StephensYeah.

6:22Lea WernliThere will be a good idea. There will be enough help. There will be a solution. There will be Um, enough love to whatever comes up in these situations. And that's so relaxing in a way that it even did lift my mood even more in, you know what I mean?

6:55Shailia StephensYes.

6:56Lea WernliIt was like throughout this December and all these really crazy things, I, I just could feel the the faith deepen even.

7:09Shailia StephensYeah, yeah, yeah. I, I feel that when you talk about it, Leah. And I— what I was just thinking as you were talking was there's something about— for me, in December was this moment by moment, you know. My, my, my internet is looking a little unstable again, but hopefully it sticks Yeah. It was like, um, just this realization that life is a moment-to-moment game, you know, if a— and a ball that's getting thrown at you in this moment, at this very moment, here it is, you know, hits you right in the head and you, you, yeah.

7:56And you You, you feel that hit. You do. It, it, it's not like we're immune to, um, the balls that are coming. Oh my God. Coming our way. You know, you have thinking about it for a moment. You have a feeling about it for a moment. And then I love what you said about recalibration. And you can feel within yourself, is, are you having, um, an insecure experience, a scary experience, a frustrated experience, an overwhelming experience? Whatever, whatever it is at that moment that you're, you're feeling.

8:35And, and also asking yourself that simple question that we're always looking at is like, okay, where am I right now? I, for a moment, I for a moment just got hit with a ball in the head. Okay. I'm feeling the— I'm feeling that. So I have a choice. I can go with that. fear, that frustration, I can run with it, like, for a long time if I want to. I can put my attention on it, or—

9:03Lea WernliMm-hmm.

9:04Shailia StephensI can come back. And for me, the words that are coming up for me in that, Leah, is where I've been looking in the last year is like, my most important relationship that I see, at least in this moment of my life, is my relationship with my thoughts, my relationships with my inner spirit. Those are the two, those are the two relationships that are top of mind. And I go back there and I'm like, all right, if, if, if that's my most important relationship, then my relationship to my thoughts are going to be, I'm not going to gallop away with them if I can.

9:46And, and I'm going to look For my inner wisdom. I'm going to look for my inner clarity. I'm going to look for my inner calmness, my inner peace of mind. That's my spiritual relationship, right? And I'm going to take a moment to just recalibrate to that. Because when I'm there in that good relationship with my inner being, and I'm not galloping off with my experience, then— so much opens up. And I heard you, I heard you say that as well. Like, there's gonna be love there. There's gonna be the next best idea there, right?

10:25Lea WernliYeah.

10:26Shailia StephensAnd that's what I found myself doing all month is just remembering no matter what is going on, no matter what balls I'm getting pelted with, I'm looking to the relationship with my thinking and I'm looking to the relationship with my inner spirit. And that's, And that's how I'm recalibrating back to a better feeling, hope, like you said, like, and all of that. So yeah, Leah, what are you hearing in that?

10:53Lea WernliYeah, I love that. Yeah, I love that so much. And somehow what happens or what I heard, you didn't say that, but what I heard is When you recalibrate with both of that, you're able to feel that you're caught up in your thinking, probably, because we know it feels, um, it feels draining and anxious and, um, somehow, uh, whatever kind of feeling that isn't like peaceful and, and in the moment. So you, you— we are even able to feel that and just be with that without taking the thinking that serious, or to be able to wake up to the thinking that accompanies the feeling.

11:54Shailia StephensYeah.

11:55Lea WernliSo, and we don't have to run away from whatever hits us. So it hits, oh, And maybe it hurts for a moment, but there is less suffering. So we don't have to really go deep into the stories and the suffering around an event or a thing or a person or an illness. So it's just there, and we feel whatever we feel, and we can come back to the moment. And in the moment and being present, and you describe it as being with— this inner or higher self, and you feel that. For me, it's more like being present in a way to that.

12:44Shailia StephensYeah.

12:45Lea WernliI don't, I don't have it in a, in a like relationship way, or I don't feel it that way. I feel it through presence and love. And if I feel compassion for myself or the other person again, I know, oh, Like, it's like a click, like, oh yeah, here I'm back again. So when I, when I heard what you were saying, it was like coming back to aliveness, to being alive in that moment, because that's all we have, even when there is a ball.

13:25Shailia StephensYeah.

13:28Lea Wernliwas throwed at us?

13:31Shailia StephensThrown at us?

13:31Lea WernliHow do you say that?

13:32Shailia StephensWhen a ball was thrown at us?

13:34Lea WernliYeah. That's a difficult word. So when a ball is thrown at us, that's the life. That is it at that moment. So to come back to the aliveness in that moment means we engage with life. We're fully in it. And then it gets rich again. So even the outcome starts to be less important. Because what's, what's kind of a strange thing, we can do it right in a way. We can be present and in life and loving and creative and feeling whatever we need to feel, like the anger or sadness, and let it through our body and do everything in kind of the right way.

14:28Shailia StephensYeah.

14:29Lea WernliAnd it doesn't mean that the outcome is going to be the way our head, ego, ideas about life, um, that it's going to be that way. That's, that's not a given. And that's a bit strange. And maybe even, um, at the beginning, it doesn't make a lot of sense. But that's what I heard. You start to see that you already have it. You, you're already there. It's already in the richness of being alive.

15:09Shailia StephensYeah.

15:10Lea WernliAnd not so much on the outcome.

15:12Shailia StephensYeah.

15:13Lea WernliBecause all the stories we had, like in this December, even now, we really, on each of these stories we were talking about and I mean, no joke, there were like 10 really effed up things going on in each of our lives. Not, not even now we are sure if they're going to be okay in the sense of that's a good outcome. Yeah, more money or less fight or—

15:46Shailia StephensBetter health.

15:46Lea WernliNot dying or better health. No, that's We don't know, but what we know is we have found a way. We have found principles who describe this experience and to live by them or see them deeper or see them in action, that gives us more lightness and grace through this really strange and we don't have a—

16:21Shailia StephensA clue.

16:23Lea Wernlidon't know if what's going on. Um, but it's, it's still rich and, and alive and, and bright during all of what's going on in our lives. And that's incredible.

16:41Shailia StephensThat is incredible, Leah. And I, and I love that you just said that. Absolutely. Like the outcomes are not the thing. And What? Thank God. And, and what I just heard when you were talking about being engaged in, in the, in the aliveness. So in all of the stories that we were sharing, you know, I'm going to use a different word. I'm going to say we were leaning into the situation. So even though, even though we weren't going with our, with our worried thinking or whatever the thing, we were being in the present moment.

17:18There was a lot to do. I mean, I heard Leah. organizing things. I heard Leah having important, meaningful conversations with her husband about something important. I, um, heard about both of us getting in our car and driving hours away in the middle of the night or during the day, whatever, to, to show up for somebody else. Um, I, I heard conversations being had, like, just there was there was a lot happening, um, that where we were, we were leaning into that moment-by-moment play in life and responding with a lot of, a lot of times an action, an actual doing, an actual participation, um, in, in the movement of what was going on, um, in an attempt to move things into a, a more healthy space, a more sane place.

18:17Um, so I think I think that's important to note, Leah, because sometimes, you know, we're thinking about being all Zen in the moment, like we're just sitting there meditating. You might do that. You might have the internal wisdom to do that sometimes. But in this game of life, you know, we're also— we have that opportunity to participate and lean into these circumstances and bring our Common sense, bring our best ideas, bring our, bring our biggest love. Like when, whenever I heard you talking, Leah, about when you, when you drove in the middle of the night with someone to go see someone, or when I drove 2 hours to a city I'd never been to, like all that.

19:03Lea WernliMm-hmm.

19:04Shailia StephensWe were showing up with our biggest love in that situation, with our time and our attention to the people we cared about. And that is possible in, in, in the chaos of, of the balls pelting us all around, right?

19:22Lea WernliTotally. And, and what I really would love to, to share with you guys out there and listeners, it's possible in the everyday life as well. Because somehow we're, all of us are quite good in the emergencies. But actually, like, all these things in December, they were like strange and emergencies and not emergencies and whatever. But also, that's possible with the everyday things when it's about us or I hate Excel tabellen, what's that? Excel spreadsheets.

20:06Shailia StephensExcel spreadsheets.

20:09Lea WernliI hate— Yes, and I get really crazy nuts about them, and I really don't like them, and I get angry sometimes if I have to do something. And even then, just to remember, oh, I was caught up in thinking about it, and I can come back to what is. What is? What do I have to do now? What do I want to do now?

20:38Shailia StephensHmm.

20:41Lea WernliAnd just this ongoing, somehow it is an exercise, ongoing exercise of feeling, where am I? And, oh no, not there. Okay, but leaning into life. Oh, and And it's really what I heard you describe as well as this less thinking, more being in life.

21:10Shailia StephensYeah.

21:10Lea WernliAnd then just really do what occurs from moment to moment to moment.

21:18Shailia StephensYeah.

21:21Lea WernliAnd I don't give that much about the future. or the very important deep thinking the way I used to.

21:37Shailia StephensHmm.

21:37Lea WernliThat doesn't mean that I do not worship some, um, that I've— I, I'm able to think or to see or to even be logical from time to time. to time, but, um, I really feel the difference. I feel the difference around thinking and thinking, and that's so cool.

22:06Shailia StephensYeah, yeah, yeah, totally. And, you know, just what's also occurring to me is in all of it too, you know, I don't— I'm going to ask you because this is what I was feeling in December. In all of— and all of what was going on and all of the navigating, the calibrating, the leaning in, I also had a feeling when to take care of myself. You know?

22:33Lea WernliMm-hmm.

22:33Shailia StephensJust like moments when I just knew I need to go down to the basement and spend a couple hours down there by myself and just sleep or just scroll the internet for a bit. Just get my get back to myself. Or I had a feeling like, now is a good time to take a 2-hour walk with the dogs, just get out, be by myself, Rick, come back to that silent place, like do whatever I need to do to take care of myself, you know. Did you have that as well, Leah?

23:07Lea WernliYeah, totally. And that was so cool. I even I went away for one night. I really— it was a lot I had to do at home as well. And, and I, my husband and myself, we just saw an opportunity and he was like, yeah, take it, go. And I booked a hotel room just across the border and on Bodensee.

23:38Shailia StephensMm.

23:39Lea WernliOden, how do you call it?

23:41Shailia StephensLake Constance. Lake Constance.

23:43Lea WernliAnd yeah, I— Lake Constance. And I, I, I was away for one night and the day, and I walked, and I was sitting outside in the sun. And yeah, I had exactly the same as, as you had. I, I really took good care of myself. Yeah, I slept a lot. I, I did eat well. I was like, um, taking care of myself, and that, that's a huge change.

24:18Shailia StephensYeah.

24:20Lea WernliLike, from before, I, I couldn't feel that when a couple of years ago that good.

24:28Shailia StephensYeah.

24:29Lea WernliAnd now it's like nothing is going to happen if I'm not there for a couple of hours or even a night. So that's fine. Yeah, it's interesting.

24:40Shailia StephensYeah, it's totally, it's totally, um, yeah, that people talk, say self-care around it, but actually, actually we have it built into ourselves too. We feel when we need, when we need a break from the situation. We feel when we need to set a boundary for ourselves to deal with the situation better. Um, for me, a lot of times it would have been hard for me to show up as, as strongly and energetically as I did if I hadn't have known when just to take a step back, you know, and be and take care of myself.

25:14Lea WernliAnd, Mm-hmm.

25:16Shailia StephensI, I love her. I love we're having this conversation, Leah, because, you know, guys who are just listening today, you know, I did not post one single thing about any of these situations on social media. Um, I can't. They're private. I didn't write it in a newsletter. I didn't I didn't tell anybody about. Leah, you're probably the first person I spoke with about it the whole of December. And just so you guys know, you know, you guys know too, like we— so many people are going through so much similar things a lot of the times, and we're not seeing that in the outside world.

25:52That's not our highlight reel that we're putting out into the world. So it's kind of also a little nod. We see you, we feel you. We know it's just life.

26:02Lea WernliYeah.

26:03Shailia StephensIt's just life, you know? Yeah.

26:05Lea WernliYeah. And you're doing great.

26:09Shailia StephensYeah, you're doing wonderful. Leah's doing wonderful. I'm doing wonderful. You're doing great outside. Yeah. Leah, did you want to add anything or does that feel—

26:20Lea WernliYeah, so thank you. No, it does feel complete.

26:24Shailia StephensYeah. So we hope that you heard something in there in that, in our crazy month of December. And we hope you'll listen in again. again, um, just follow us on Spotify, our Apple Podcasts. Share the podcast with a friend. Um, sharing is caring, sharing is growing, and we hope to see you soon on the next episode of Time for You. Till then, bye-bye.

26:49Lea WernliBye-bye.