32 – What’s Going Well: Shifting Frustration into Fulfillment

0:01Shailia StephensSo hi, and welcome back to a new episode of Time for You. I'm Shellya. And as always, I'm— or as most of the time, I'm together with Leah. Hi, Leah.

0:10Lea WernliHi.

0:11Shailia StephensSo Leah, I have been getting a lesson from the universe for, I want to say, the last 5 years. But it's like, you know, those lessons that If you don't learn them and you just, and you're just like, I don't want to learn them, and then you go the other way, and then the universe will come back and say, here's that lesson again. And then if you don't learn that lesson and you go the other way, the universe will come back and say, here's that lesson again. This is the lesson that I feel like I'm getting again and again and again and again. So I wanted to share it with you and see what you had.

0:54Lea WernliYes.

0:55Shailia Stephenswhat you had to say about it. So I don't know why— I could make up 100 stories why— but either I was conditioned or my brain just goes this way. My brain is quite often focused on things that I don't want or things that are not going well.

1:14Lea WernliHmm.

1:15Shailia StephensAnd it is something that if I— it's not that I'm not grateful. I am. I'm kind of a sunny person. I have a sunny disposition.

1:28Lea WernliMm-hmm.

1:29Shailia StephensAt the same time, I go through life and I'm super appreciative of just a sunny day and the clouds that are beautiful today or something wonderful that happens. So it's not like 100% of the time. But in certain situations, I can get stuck around something that I don't want versus what's going well. And one of the areas that I've been getting the lesson in, um, again and again and again is in relationship context.

1:59Lea WernliMm-hmm.

2:01Shailia StephensAnd what I've noticed is, is if my mind is taking me to what is not going well in the relationship, um, things that are happening that I don't want to be happening, And if I buy into that and I indulge in that and I let myself go that direction, mm-hmm, then things really quickly begin to go sour in the relationship. I find myself then in a space where I'm needing some sort of conversation with the other person. Uh, I find myself Thinking, these are all these feelings that I'm having, and these are the, these are the things that I think you should be doing better, that you're not, you're not doing well.

2:53And I want to point them out to you because if you knew how to do them better, our relationship would go better. And so you're sort of falling down over here, and I'm going to tell you how you can get back up and how you can meet my needs, communicate with me in a way that is better, stop doing the things you're doing that are bothering me kind of a thing. And in the moments where that is happening, it feels really true, really, really compelling that I'm the loving, conscious human being and that this other person is just not at my level of consciousness.

3:33Lea WernliMm-hmm.

3:33Shailia StephensSo I have to, I have to somehow help them come up to where I am, or they're not seeing or feeling me, and I need to express, um, what is going on for me so that, so that things can be better between us. And the minute that I start going that direction, even if the other person loves me, is willing to listen, is willing to consider the things that I'm having to say, or even change something, the relationship starts to go down a sour path.

4:04Lea WernliMm-hmm.

4:05Shailia StephensLike, it gets out of balance. We're not in alignment, and it's just not a good place to be. And I started— or the lesson that I've been getting over the last 5 or 6 years is that's not the way to go. The way to go is to notice all of the things that are going beautifully in the relationship. all the things that are going well, that are enriching, that are adding to my life, that are, are just, just a really nice bonus to the already happiness that I have inside of me and what is going right.

4:48Lea WernliHmm.

4:48Shailia StephensAnd if I remember that, and usually I remember it because when things start to go down the sour path and I get it, you know, it gets so uncomfortable. But I am forced to stop and take a moment, look within, and be like, oh, darn it.

5:08Lea WernliMm-hmm.

5:09Shailia StephensI got off go— like, focusing on what's going wrong and what I don't want versus what's going well and what I do want that's already there, and prioritizing love, connection, appreciation, compassion for the other person.

5:31Lea WernliYeah.

5:32Shailia StephensAnd what I noticed is, is then the second that I, that I realized that and I get back on the, on the sweet, on the sweet path, Mm-hmm. things really start to go very well. So it's like the things that were already well just even get better. The connection that was already there gets deeper. the, the joyfulness we had in connecting, it just gets more joyful. And it, it always leads to more sweetness, sweetness, sweetness. And I don't think I'm done with that lesson.

6:11I think, like, oh, no, no. I'd like to say I got it finally. And I'm gonna stay on that path because it's really, really good and nourishing. But I, I really can feel that's not completely reached a point in my consciousness that I really, really get it. Like, I think it's, I think it's going to trip me up a little bit. So what are you hearing in that?

6:34Lea WernliNo, I, I, no, thank you for sharing, first of all, and, and opening up. And I, I know that, that all of us, we just know. how it feels to see the ick and want the other to change for whatever reason, or that we are superior, or, or we know, or we are even loving deeper, or whatever the heck our effed up mind tells us in certain moments.

7:12Shailia StephensYeah.

7:12Lea WernliSo we all, all of us know it. in regard of husband, friends, lovers, children, like in any kind of relationship. And it was so interesting when you were talking, I just had like 3 images come to mind, and they're very different in a way, and all of them are true and not true, as—

7:40Shailia StephensMm-hmm.

7:42Lea WernliEverything, always. And one was a story about Bill and Linda Petit, and I probably don't tell it right, but it— I just was speaking about it actually this morning as well. Like, Linda wanted Bill to put away, I don't know, wood in the garden, a pile of wood, and this pile of wood just did lay there, and whenever she walked by the pile of wood, she was like—

8:18Shailia StephensPile, pile.

8:18Lea WernliPile, pile. Uh, what the heck, and why doesn't he do it, and da da da da da. So the thinking that gets in the way of love, always. It's always just thinking. And then one day she hugged him, and during that hug she She saw the pile, uh, um, behind him, and just inside her something clicked. It was an insight like, whoa, I'm on your side no matter what. No matter what, pile or no pile. And I had that in a way as well, like this no matter what. moment of, I don't care about circumstances or things we aren't able to do or aren't able to do right, or it's you.

9:15I'm by your side. You are by my side in a way. So that came. And that doesn't mean that going down the rabbit hole doesn't Doesn't occur or happen, but it's a shift. It is a shift, probably in consciousness in a way. And then what we just were talking about last time, like the turkey trip, this, no, I'm not letting my humanness getting in the way anymore. Eff it. It feels good to let loose and thinking I'm superior and you need to— no, stop. Like, I'm very fast in not letting myself go there somehow.

10:10Shailia StephensYeah.

10:11Lea WernliThat doesn't mean that it doesn't happen, but it's also to see it's exercising out of your insight of, hey, going into the sweetness, looking at love, it's exercising. And not now I'm able to do it. No, I see it and I train. I look, I expand in this direction somehow.

10:40Shailia StephensYeah.

10:40Lea WernliCame to mind. Then something totally different as well, like someone from my very young clients is in a committed relationship for like a couple of months, almost a year. And this other person, they, they, they had very harmonious, young, nice love somehow, but they got in a fight last weekend and things turned really sour and And the one person who was in a, in the bigger storm, um, did something that really crossed the line.

11:29Shailia StephensHmm.

11:30Lea WernliAnd the young person decided, out of love for her or himself and for the life, to not to break up.

11:45Shailia StephensYeah.

11:46Lea WernliEven though there was love and beautiful things. And so that was very remarkable too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yes. It's okay if there are lines and if we are not willing to to go back if that line is crossed.

12:12Shailia StephensYeah.

12:14Lea WernliIt's okay. Even though we know the principle and the being present and that nothing can get in the way of love and being loved, but there are also— we are in form and we have certain things that we want or really, really, really don't want.

12:38Shailia StephensYeah.

12:38Lea WernliAnd that's okay. And to see the grief and the clear— the clarity in it as well. That was also— this young person somehow didn't let her humanness get in the way of the clarity. That was very touching to watch too. That was the second thing. And the third was what you just were describing, this, how it accumulates, like more love to more love to more love to more love to more love, and how love can have 100— oh, sorry, my son's—

13:30Shailia StephensIt's okay.

13:31Lea WernliDo you hear that? No? No, I don't hear that. 100 different forms. And it's often just our humanness that gets in the way again.

13:46Shailia StephensYeah.

13:47Lea WernliWhen we think it should be a certain way. So, yeah, that's what came to mind just as images or, or directions, or—

14:01Shailia StephensYeah, I love that, Leah. And, you know, today, today's example just came out in the form of a relationship. And I was, I was thinking, as before we were meeting up today, when I was thinking what we could talk about, I was thinking, you know, it's, it's, it's— with me, it's a pattern in different areas of my life. And Another area that I see it happen is in my thinking about my business and what's going on there. And also there often being focused on what's not going well, what I don't want versus what is absolutely going well and what I really want. So yeah, I— yeah, go ahead.

14:51Lea WernliYeah. And I actually— that was the third thing. It was not the backlinks of love. It was the Liebesbrief, but I, I forgot when I was talking.

15:00Shailia StephensThat's okay.

15:01Lea WernliThe other 2, because me at the moment, I, I, I do have a way of this recitation tool of really focusing on, on what I want and what is already there and what I, what I see for what I'm grateful for and just to feel this energy like, directioning itself toward that is actually quite magic. I can't speak a lot about it at the moment because it's just like very experimental in a way.

15:37Shailia StephensYeah.

15:39Lea WernliBut just what you mentioned, this, oh, not here. Yeah, here, whatever. Here. Ooh. And then synchronicities are happening. Invitations are happening. crazy magic stuff is happening. So this thing is crazy potent.

16:07Shailia StephensCrazy potent.

16:10Lea WernliThe way we use it. And I did put, I did put my finger on my head when I said this, like the thinking, this formless possibility that, that can manifest into form.

16:27Shailia StephensYeah, totally, totally. And that's, and that's something that's really on my mind this week. Um, on Thursday, we, Leah and I, are in a little group with Isla Coates right now. We had a little challenge for until the 28th of October. I don't know when you'll be hearing this episode, but to make a little group, and I did a little invitation this week just for fun. Um, that's what we're talking about on Friday, just This awareness of gaining an awareness from what is going well and what we really want in life and being sort of, um, I don't know the word in English, just clear about being interested in that attracts more of that.

17:11Lea WernliYes. Yes, it does.

17:13Shailia StephensYeah. Being interested in what's going well attracts more of what's going well. Being interested in what we want attracts more of what we want.

17:20Lea WernliYes.

17:21Shailia StephensAnd just being cognizant for myself that my brain is always trying to go the other direction, and that's okay. Yeah, that's cool. But really wanting to get more interested in the juicy pieces, more love, more, more abundance of, of what's actually on offer. So yeah, I know you have a little time thing today.

17:46Lea WernliSo, so what I'm going to do, I'm going to Speak it into the world at lunchtime.

17:53Shailia StephensYes, yes, yes. So, Lea, do you want to take us out?

17:57Lea WernliYeah, actually, just, um, we love to be with you guys. As you know, we hang out as friends, and we invite you to just, um, be with us and take time for yourself. And if that's helpful or touching or gets you in a better feeling, then just share if you feel like it. That would be amazing for us. And hear you, see you, be with you next time. Thank you so much.

18:29Shailia StephensThank you. Next time. See you next time.