31 – Friendship, Love, and Laughter: A 50th Birthday Celebration

0:01Shailia StephensHi everyone, and welcome back to a new episode of Time for You, our indulgent, uh, personal friend time that we pack in the form of a podcast that's really not one. Leah was just saying to me, yeah, I don't know what we're going to talk about today. I just wanted to hang out with you. And, um, same, Leah. You know, that's like why we even started the podcast. It's our time. Together. And yeah, we just trick people into calling by calling it Time for You.

0:30Lea WernliThat's absolutely true.

0:33Shailia StephensHow are you? How are you doing, Leah? I haven't seen you in a while.

0:37Lea WernliI know, we— it's so fun. We, we love each other and, um, we are kind of in the same rooms sometimes lately, but we are not like together doing something in these rooms. It's like a coaching program with someone or— but it's always just so Nice to see you. But actually, what I did tell the people last time is that we are not going— that I'm not going to talk about Turkey because that was the last time we did hang out together.

1:13Shailia StephensYeah.

1:14Lea WernliThat we will talk about Turkey together. That's what I announced. That just came to mind because I said it was so beautiful, and I also told the people that just that it's for real. The more we are aware and we see how things work and how our mind works, the easier it is to be stuck with 9 people in a minivan and still having a great effing time. I mean, isn't that amazing? That it's practical.

1:52Shailia StephensYeah. Well, I mean, we could just go there if you want to, not necessarily on the plan, but we can go there because I've been hearing back from so many people about that trip. And one of the things that comes up a lot is just how— not just how joyful that that time was that we had together, but, you know, it really was a coming together of a lot of strong personalities and So for people who don't know about it, I turned 50 this year on the 27th of September.

2:28Lea WernliYay!

2:30Shailia StephensAnd I had this inspiration to celebrate with my closest girlfriends. And part of it was me inside thinking, you know, what's really important to me? I've lived half a century on this planet. Hopefully I'm going to be living a while still from now. Who knows? But, you know, how do I want to go into the second half of the century? and I had just a little thought about what's important to me. And of course, love relationships are important to me, like, you know, romantic relationships.

3:02Of course, family is important to me. Of course, my relationships with my clients are important to me. But one of the things that popped up and that was so vital to my life and that I want to put even more emphasis on in the next half of— next half century—

3:19Lea WernliMm-hmm.

3:19Shailia StephensAre my friendships. And I really noticed in the last, you know, 2 years where I had a bit of a down phase and a lot of struggling inside and out that I really had a group of friends around me who really held me up, who really were there for me, who got on the phone when I needed to vent, cry, just chat, when I needed to have some fun and girl time. play and go shopping and those kind of things. And so it was just kind of something I wanted to do.

3:53And so I didn't even think about it very long. And I had the idea and I sent the invitation out. And all I knew was that I wanted to have a 9-seater bus. So I thought there's going to be one driver and they're going to— there's going to be me. So that leaves 8 other people to, to invite. And that's how I went about it and looking out into my life and saying, who are the 8 special women that I want to spend a full week with for my birthday?

4:18Lea WernliMm-hmm.

4:19Shailia StephensWhich is kind of also a weird thing because who, who at the age of 50 just says yes and leaves their families, their business lives, and goes and celebrates a week with other women they don't necessarily know?

4:30Lea WernliIt was the first one who booked the flight. And that just— I did ask my husband, is that okay? And he was like, yeah, sure. And it was like half a year ago. And when it came closer, it was like, oh, Amore, are you okay? I'm going to be away for like a week. Oh yeah, true. So it was a no-brainer. I just jumped on it.

4:58Shailia StephensYeah. Yeah. And I'm so glad you did, Leah. And, and it was also funny because, you know, I chose the location, I chose the program, and I just kind of told you guys, like, just show up at the airport and we're going to— I mean, I did send you an agenda, to be fair, you know, like, but no, but I But I didn't talk to anybody. I didn't ask people what they want to do. That is the beauty too. When you have close friendships, you kind of know the people really well.

5:26Like Leah, I knew, for instance, Leah is someone when she goes on vacation, she wants to be in the group like she's all about the group, but then she needs time for herself. So I knew she needs to have probably her own room if she can get one.

5:42Lea WernliYes.

5:43Shailia StephensShe needs to have some time during the day where she can walk away from the group and go, Like you did, you went to the beach like almost every day by yourself.

5:51Lea WernliEvery day.

5:52Shailia StephensAnd like, I was like chatting to Leah, like within walking distance there are stores and shops. Like you can go have a coffee somewhere if you need to do that. And, you know, I knew about Sylvia, like she loves to drink her wine in the evening, a nice glass of white if she can get one. And I was starting to think, okay, how can we make this possible with the Turkish wine? So yeah. And then we all got there and You know, one of the things, Leah, for me was the ability in that week just being the person who's hosting the event.

6:23Lea WernliMm-hmm.

6:24Shailia StephensI think, I think some people can really get up in their head about the organizational details. They can get up in their head about how everything is gonna work out. You know, you've got almost 10 people you have to feed 3 times a day. You know, we were cooking and traveling and so on. And so that's the first thing that I'm going to call out is just, I really was in this feeling of deep trust that it's going to be fine and it's going to show itself to us every day as it unfolds.

7:00Lea WernliMm-hmm.

7:01Shailia StephensSo while there was this sort of agenda, kind of things I knew I wanted us to do, just because they were beautiful locations, fun activities, things I wanted to share with you guys because I been going to Turkey so much last year and just things that had totally touched my heart or flashed me because they were so beautiful. Um, I didn't know the nitty-gritty details of every day, like what exactly we're going to cook or how we're gonna, uh, necessarily get along or whatever the thing.

7:35And being able to be just in a relaxed, very present state around that happening. So I think that was like one of the big keys of being in this understanding, just present and open to what life is going to let happen. So what about you? What was one of the things that you saw during that week that was amazing to you?

8:03Lea WernliYeah, I think just what you mentioned, like you as a host, being, um, at home in yourself. And, uh, what I told you, what I, what I, um, observed was in every woman I could see, uh, a, a something that reminded me of you. So it was, even though I, I didn't know, I did know half, uh, of the people probably, I I, I could see why you love them and vice versa. So this deep connection with you, um, instantly connected with me with these friends, with your closest friends too. So that was very interesting to me. And, um, to all of us, we've been willing to, to do exactly the same as you did in the preparation. Um, we were willing to, to let you lead and life lead, both in a way.

9:25Shailia StephensYeah.

9:25Lea WernliAnd still being able to hold space for specialties. And, uh, one day I had to wait for someone, another day someone else had to wait for me a third day. It was whatever it was. So it had like this compassion for each other and room. And in a way, we all did let loose.

9:56Shailia StephensYeah.

9:58Lea WernliAnd for the love, for the celebration, for being together and, and making it as, as unforgettable for you as possible. And through this love, it was unforgettable to— for us as well.

10:19Shailia StephensYeah.

10:20Lea WernliSo, and I mean, no, even though we are all humans with all the The flaws and all the ideas and all the things we can get up in our head to really see this group who doesn't know each other, just is connected through you and in a way an awareness or an understanding. Not all of them had exactly the same understanding or were deeply into the principles.

11:01Shailia StephensNo.

11:01Lea WernliBut the majority, to observe the unfolding of both, like the group, the celebration and life, or of all of it, was extremely touching throughout the week.

11:20Shailia StephensIt really was to me too, yeah.

11:24Lea WernliAnd it even had, it could have had triggering things in it.

11:31Shailia StephensYeah.

11:31Lea WernliSo, like heat, or like very different political opinions, or very different age groups, or very different being into adventure or not being into adventure. So it was not like we were all the same and had the same interests and the same humanly. Yeah. But we were all able to always get present and get beyond the human needs in a way.

12:13Shailia StephensYeah. Yeah. And that was so interesting, Lea. I mean, exactly like you just described, you know, seeing these totally different personalities and different Like, one of the things that was so funny was the level of adventure that some people had and some people didn't, you know? Like, some people are just the type who jump into the canyon in the freezing cold water and like, go roping up the side of the waterfall and sliding back down. And other people were just super timid about even getting in and feeling maybe fearful about doing that. And just watching all these differences in human personalities and preferences. And what was dominating, though, was absolutely the love and the joy.

13:00Lea WernliMm-hmm.

13:01Shailia StephensLike, I watched during the week 100 times how somebody else, you know, maybe was having the bubbling up of their humanness come up, but looking at someone else and making the choice to be compassionate for someone else, to take care of to take care of someone else, to look after someone else. And it was the most— I get, I get just chills just talking about it. It was so much love there for, for each other. And it was, yeah, it was just extremely touching.

13:35And also watching myself during the week, you know, things didn't always go perfectly, you know. And just noticing when things would just feel a little bit tight. I don't know, Alyssa has to do a call on the bus with all of us, like a professional interview with someone, and everyone has to get totally quiet. She has to have a certain place in the bus. And where I had imagined we're not going to be working at all on the trip, you know, and just being like, okay, that was this idea that you had, but this is what's actually happening, occurring.

14:11Lea WernliAnd that's perfectly okay.

14:13Shailia StephensAnd just coming back to that space of being present, being with what is, and making space for the needs that are just happening in the moment. And watching everyone else get like super silent in the bus and giving her that opportunity to do her call. You know, it was just, just the funniest thing. Or You know, I don't know, when the food is getting burned or somebody has, despite a very incredibly long list of things they need to get from the market, forgotten 4 things and we have to go out 4 different times to, you know, to get stuff.

14:54And just being really relaxed about that, really going with the flow. One, one day, Leah, really comes to my mind. It was that day that you went to get your hair done. Lea, Lea, can I—

15:09Lea WernliI burned my head.

15:10Shailia StephensLea, tell about your— tell about your getting your hair done. Like, who does this on a—

15:16Lea WernliYou know, I've got a very adventurous side. Probably you already reckoned that I was one of the adventurous ones.

15:25Shailia StephensYeah, 100%.

15:28Lea WernliYes. And what I often do is when I'm not at home, I'm going to the hairdresser, even though I know it's not a brilliant idea. I just, I don't know, I love it. It's fun. It's interesting. And my hair, Shelia knows that, is not a part of my personality. It's a playful part of my personality in a way. I have short hairs, long hairs, blonde hairs, red hairs, brown hairs. And that started when I was very young. And I love to play and, and and dress up and still, um, going on hikes in a, in a pretty little dress and stuff like that.

16:13So I went to a hairdresser and, um, the, the lovely person who, who was the one who talked to the people there and could speak Turkish did set up the whole thing. And then I was there alone, and all of a sudden this very young hairdresser and myself, we realized that we couldn't speak a word. Not just, uh, a little bit, but nothing.

16:48Shailia StephensNothing.

16:49Lea WernliSo I thought she's going to make blonde highlights. But suddenly I realized on my head that it was bleach and not highlights. And I've got a little eczema, like eczema, eczema.

17:10Shailia StephensEczema.

17:12Lea WernliWhen I did that 10 years ago in Berlin, it happened back then that I burned my head because it was as well, exactly the same thing. I did choose the wrong color and it burned my head. And since then, on and off, sometimes it comes and often it's not here. But it was a little bit, um, on my head when I was in Turkey and it burned again, exactly the same region. And I was like, ow, ow, ow. And she was like, oh, oh, oh, oh. And she And she could take it away, but it was already quite, um, burnt.

17:55And at the end, she did bleach it and she did color it, and she didn't go all the way down to the, to the skin, so it was fine, but it already happened. So I came back with, uh, a chemical burn. A chemical burn. And so everyone had an idea what to do with a chemical burn. And, um, that was very interesting. And I was very chilled in a way. I was like, oh shit, I need to do something, but I don't know what to do at the moment. And, um, Shelly and myself, we had this little secret that I did listen to you. I didn't listen to anybody else. And I just did listen to Shelly because her Your mom was actually a cosmo—

18:49Shailia Stephenscosmetologist. Yeah.

18:51Lea WernliAnd you did remember that thing. And so we had this, and it was not like the most natural thing to do. It was not like the oils and the herbs and the—

19:03Shailia StephensSmear some cream on it.

19:05Lea WernliNature and just letting it heal in the sea. It was more like a conventional way we both went, and it was That was very, that was also very interesting to see all, all the things that came up and everyone wanted to help and everyone had an opinion and, and again, then we just, there is just one way and it's to listen inside and to go with what makes sense. And it could have been all of it.

19:42Shailia StephensHmm.

19:43Lea WernliAnd, but I felt, um, I actually did it like the natural way 10 years ago. I, I remembered suddenly that I did put an egg and oil on it. And I mean, I had problems since then, so it was like, maybe I'm gonna try something different this time.

20:08Shailia StephensYeah.

20:08Lea WernliSo, and it's healed, guys, right now. Yeah. A couple of weeks later.

20:13Shailia StephensI'm so glad, Lea. It looked so bad. And I remember when you showed it to me and I was just like, oh God, that looks terrible. Like you couldn't see the back of your head really. And I remember inside of me, it looked so bad. And I was, I remember thinking, stay calm. Like just be like the calm person here and be like, oh, it's not that bad, Lea.

20:35Lea WernliLike, I felt you in the, in the doctor way. Like, I know.

20:40Shailia StephensAnd, um, I'm, I'm always good to ask in a medical emergency because I'm like right on top of it with my AI, and I analyze everything down to the thing. Ask Alyssa, she'll tell you I'm really good in a medical emergency. But yeah, no, but that, that, that day was so interesting because it was Kind of, I guess that was like on day 4 or something in or roundabout, maybe 5, I don't know. But, but then every— it started bubbling up everywhere. Like somebody else was having an allergic reaction to their sunscreen.

21:11Lea WernliYes, that's true.

21:14Shailia StephensAnd I had to, I had to figure out what to do about that. And then somebody else had an issue over here. And then the heat started to get really bad for another person. And they needed to find an alternative solution to— and it started happening on one day. And I was like, oh gosh, like, I don't have children and I started to feel like, okay, now I'm the mama hen and I'm, I'm your mama for everybody here going on. And so I had a full day of just reacting from one little situation to the other. But, um, it was so interesting.

21:46Lea WernliYeah. What I also love about this situation is for you guys, Shelia doesn't like it that much. I mean, she loves us all and she would do anything for us, but she likes to babysit— no, love and, and, and how do you say that, pamper her dogs, but she doesn't like to pamper people. Although maybe I'm actually an exception because she always pampers me. Even though I'm the mom. So, but what, what was really interesting to see you in this role and I saw the Widerstände, like the, um, what's Widerstände?

22:31Shailia StephensLike resistance.

22:33Lea WernliResistance. And you just didn't let it get onto you. You just came back to, that's needed now, and it's me, even though that's not what I really like.

22:48Shailia StephensYeah.

22:53Lea WernliYeah.

22:54Shailia StephensAnd that felt like just really, it's an example of the entire week for everybody. Because I think everybody got to a point where they were in a form of human resistance to something that was happening that was needed, and always just letting that resistance go and just doing the thing that Is that needs to be done, that wants to be done.

23:20Lea WernliYes.

23:22Shailia StephensYeah.

23:22Lea WernliAnd so, as always, it is an example of life. We can live life like this. And we do very often because it's so much cooler to live life like this. And sometimes we forget when we are not in a van with 9 other people. or when we are not like, oh yes, that's a situation I really need to just come back, we forget about it. But it is exactly the way, and it is easier and more fun to not— What I actually, what really was like more in my awareness after this week is this, No, again, no, I don't want to let my humanness get in my way. Effing hell no. I decide here.

24:23Shailia StephensYeah.

24:24Lea WernliAnd I came back and I just told today a client, like, this awareness of more love, more compassion, less Leah, more, more, hey, family. What, what could we do even to love even more?

24:46Shailia StephensYeah.

24:48Lea WernliAnd to go with that and, and to be disciplined in a way as well, to not let loose and be so into my layer of humanness. I mean, that could be fun, but actually often it's just more drama.

25:07Shailia StephensYeah.

25:07Lea WernliAnd no more love, compassion, real fun, joy. So that was really, um, I, I often live my life like that, but it was so, so—

25:22Shailia StephensMagnified. Magnified.

25:25Lea WernliYeah, that I really could see it and, and, and take it home again or be aware.

25:34Shailia StephensYeah, yeah, for me too, Leah. And, uh, that, that, that is such— I don't even want to add anything to that because that was just so beautifully said. I'll just add one more story. Leah got, um, Leah got super like sicky feeling in the bus. Do you remember, Leah? Like, we were— we did this one travel day and, and there was so many curves, and this bus was— it was a great bus, it was awesome.

26:00Lea WernliI had to meditate like 4 hours.

26:03Shailia StephensYeah. And so Leah says to me, do you mind if I sit front. And I'm like, no, no, no problem, you know, so you go right ahead. Because I had been sitting up front previously and I hadn't had any problems. So I go all the way to the back with Alyssa. You remember that drive home in the evening? I was almost at the point of throwing up in the back. It was so funny. And I, I just thought in that moment, isn't this, isn't this interesting?

26:28Lea WernliMm-hmm.

26:28Shailia StephensAnd like, I too was like coming to the space where I was just like, okay, just just meditate, just relax, just come into this space. And I thought to myself, would you rather be sitting up front? And I thought, no, I would rather Leah be sitting up front right now. You know what I mean? And that was such a gift to Leah. Just the whole week feeling so much love for the people that you're willing to even sacrifice your comfort. Do you know?

26:57Lea WernliTotally.

26:59Shailia StephensAnd, and that is what friendship is to me. And so That was another lesson that I took away from the week. It was, it was just beautiful.

27:08Lea WernliOh, thank you. Thank you for your knowledge.

27:14Shailia StephensYou're very welcome, Leah. I also got—

27:18Lea WernliThank you for all of it, Celia. It was just an amazing, amazing gift. We love you so much.

27:25Shailia StephensOh, thank you. It was an amazing gift for me too. So guys, that was our recap of Turkey without going into the details of what we did or didn't do, but rather how we experienced the week. And hopefully you got something out of it for yourself that helps you nurture more love and well-being and presence in your life. We would hope that very much, and we'll see you on the next episode.

27:47Lea WernliYeah, bye!