21 – Exploring the Way of Service (for Practice Building and Beyond)

0:03Lea WernliHi and welcome back to Time for You. Actually, it's also time for us, Shelia and myself. We just love it. We, we are friends, we, we are very close, but we don't see each other that often. I mean, in real life, we will see each other in June. Come to the 3 Principles Conference with us in London.

0:30Shailia StephensYes, 29th of June. to the 2nd of July in London, England.

0:36Lea WernliYeah, we will be there, so maybe we will meet with you. We're not going to have lunch and coffee and stuff with, with you because we have to hang out together, so don't be—

0:48Shailia StephensDon't get mad, please say.

0:50Lea WernliDon't get mad at us because we haven't seen each other for a long time.

0:56Shailia StephensVery true.

0:57Lea WernliSo Time for you, time for us, another episode. And today we, we really want to speak about being of service. And, um, I, I was on a search like for a year probably after Shelley and myself did break up. We did break up in our business, but actually, um, we never really broke up.

1:25Shailia StephensNo, and to me it's just temporary. I'm just waiting for you to come back, Leanne.

1:29Lea WernliI know.

1:30Shailia StephensShe's like, la la la la la la. I have, I have patience. I can wait till I'm at least 80, and if you're not back by then, I'm gonna get mad or something.

1:38Lea WernliOkay, so we will see. But actually, we do a lot of stuff together. And but when we, we broke up, I was on a search, like, how can I teach the Sorry, my lens, lenses.

1:54Shailia StephensYour eye.

1:55Lea WernliFall out. Sorry, guys. I just had to search for my, my eye, my, my lens. And on this search, I was looking for how can I teach or help the coaches that we trained We train coaches in transformative coaching to find clients, but I like in a simple, easy way, because out there, there is a lot of stuff and, and great stuff as well, and really not so great stuff as well too. But you need a lot of skills like marketing and, and social media or online selling or selling.

2:49And I just knew in my guts there has to be another way. And I have to be honest, I did read all the books of Steve Chandler, but I didn't read his coaching books. I don't know why. I read Time Warrior, Creative Being, all, all his In the Now books. I somehow didn't come across his like enrollment and, and being of service and how to get clients booked. And so what happened is that I, I had a, a coach crush last spring, and I, I stumbled upon Isla Coates.

3:35And I'm coaching teenagers as well, so she's an extremely skilled coach in the youth department as well. And I, I read her book and I just knew that's my coach, my next coach. And she opened up a group coaching around client creation and I was in. And we had to mail her. And so I told her what I'm doing and how I do it. And, and she was kind of like, yeah. You already do it.

4:12Shailia StephensYeah.

4:13Lea WernliAnd it was really like this, ah, like the Homer Simpson, uh-huh, moment of that's exactly what I did, like all the time for myself I did it. And even with Shelia, although Shelia is extremely skilled in all the marketing and online things, I did it as well there.

4:40Shailia StephensMm-hmm.

4:41Lea WernliAnd what, what did I do that I didn't realize that I do? I, I meet people. I, I listen to people. I rewrite to people. I, I, I'm building an, an, a network. And a relation, like I'm really there for them and from a place of, can I help? And I never knew. And even when I think back at the really beginning, it was exactly the same. I opened up like 3 times a week, uh, a lunch coaching for free. I invited the the, the teachers, like, come just in and have coaching.

5:33I, I had like a coaching coffee, coaching and coffee, like speed coaching in a, in a movie theater, just to, to help to, to build relationships and being deeply of service. And I remember one of our clients, Shelia, how I met she came for her, her teenager, and— or she did ask me something because a friend of her, their teenagers had coaching with me. And I just heard something in her mail, and I did ask her if I, I could send her some stuff. And she had like severe pain and, and OCD and depression going on.

6:19And I know, I remember I was in the middle of a coach training, and, and I wrote like a 2-page mail with all the links for Bill Petit and the book, and, and I gave her access to, to my book. And so really going in there and, and with an open heart, with an open mind, and, and looking around, is there anything that could be helpful. And then I did invite the people for the conversations. And even in this space, um, like, as well coming from a place of love and help and neutrality in a way, even though I work as a coach and I, I that's my income and, and how I feed my family.

7:25It's always like, still, am I able to help you, or do I know something that could help? And from there, the people wanted to work with me, or wanted to, or felt the transformation, or saw something for them, and they didn't have to buy an idea or buy a product or buy something that they, they were not sure if that really could help. They, they felt it, they knew it, they already had transformations in their lives. And so I built my practice. And when we, when we split, Shelley and myself, and I was on the search, the funny thing was, I did exactly the same. And half a year later, I had the practice again.

8:18Shailia StephensYeah.

8:18Lea WernliAnd I didn't realize it in a way. Isn't that interesting?

8:23Shailia StephensIsn't that interesting how we can have such an unconscious competency, such a blind spot also to not even seeing what we're doing?

8:36Lea WernliTotally.

8:36Shailia StephensLife or business.

8:37Lea WernliYeah, that's work.

8:38Shailia StephensYeah.

8:40Lea WernliAnd actually then I read all the books of Steve Chandler and Ayla and I enrolled in the course and that's exactly what they do. And they call it, there is a system and it's learnable.

8:55Shailia StephensIt's learnable.

8:56Lea WernliYeah. It's learnable. And Shellya didn't believe me at the beginning. Maybe you can talk about it.

9:05Shailia StephensShould I talk about that?

9:06Lea WernliYes.

9:06Shailia StephensYeah. So I come from a totally different direction than Leah, right? So I spent 15 years in advertising. And my whole first 15 years of my career was strategic marketing. And for me, it was all about the marketing and from the marketing getting to the sales conversations. And when I first went out, Leah, and was trying to figure out what to do to build my practice, like, I had no freaking clue. It was, um, it was something I thought I knew how to do, um, marketing and sales, because I did it for, you know, big brands for 15 years really successfully with teams, obviously not by myself.

9:53Lea WernliMhm.

9:54Shailia StephensBut I had no idea how to do it for myself. So I ended up investing a lot of money in the beginning of building my coaching practice and hiring coaches and mentors who help other coaches and mentors to, to build a business. And what I learned that worked really well for me for years was more the route that we still see a lot today, which is, you know, creating some content that's of value. In my case, back, you know, when I started in 2009, 2010, it was all about holding webinars. showing what you can do. And in a way, you were also being of service.

10:35Lea WernliOf course.

10:36Shailia StephensBecause you were giving the webinars for free. You were creating, or you were showing, you were putting your magic, what you do, on display. People were getting value out of it, hopefully finding some transformation in it for themselves. So it kind of is a similar approach. And the way I built my practice over the first couple of years to a 6-figure practice was by giving a lot of my time to large groups and webinars. Like, I would have up to 1,000 people on board, right?

11:13But then they would get to know, like, and trust me through all the things that I was teaching and giving away. It was like much more that teaching and preaching kind of, kind of way. And then I would sort of mention along the way while I was teaching, I would tell stories about my clients, or I would prime the fact that there's a you know, a get acquainted call that you can come to. And then what would happen when people would come on board, there was like this very specific process of finding out where people were and what they wanted to achieve and, you know, enrolling them then in a high-end coaching package.

11:53And the difference is like all the emphasis that my mentors were putting is like, how short of a time can you spend on those calls, right? So they were teaching us like 60 minutes is far too long. know, you've got to get that done in 20 minutes or 30 minutes. And later on, even, Leah, I had an enrollment coach do those conversations for me because they were taking up, you know, so much of my, my time. And so when Leah and I got together and I, you know, I would watch her, you know, and I, you know, it's like, not like she is that sneaky.

12:29She, when she, we were doing business together for 2 and a half years, and I would see her spending hours on end, like talking with people. on the phone coaching them for free, or I would see her, you know, WhatsApping with them on weekends or in the nighttime in bed sometimes that they would write to her and like writing them novel answers, you know, like the length of a book novel or whatever. And I'd be like, Leah, what are you doing? Like, like, you gotta stop that, you know, like, I was like totally against her, you know, spending so much of her time for free.

13:08And, and later on, you know, when you did go your separate way. I mean, I knew that it was working for you, like, in a way, but always in the back of my mind, I was thinking, she can do this, like, so much more efficiently. This is, like, not necessary. And it wasn't until very recently, I was like, I don't know, Leah, when was it? It was, like, right before the Easter break.

13:30Lea WernliYes, I think so.

13:31Shailia StephensYeah. Leah was holding some calls where she's getting ready to launch— what program are you launching? Is it Coach Mind?

13:40Lea WernliCoaching Mind.

13:42Shailia StephensCoaching Mind. And she was like, Shelley, you got to come to these calls. You got to come to these calls. And I was like, okay, well, Leah wants me to come to these calls. Well, I like to hang out with Leah, so I'll just— I was just coming to hang out with you, Leah. I wasn't thinking there was going to be anything in there that was interesting for me.

13:58Lea WernliI know.

13:59Shailia StephensThat's where she was being sneaky. And it was so interesting. And so Leah was talking in the first call, and she just very simply talked about the way of service and what what the benefits of it are. And I, for the first time, got an understanding by being— I don't know, I think it was a 90-minute call we were on there together, Leah, with, with a group. I, for the first time, like a light bulb went on my head what the benefits could be of spending much more time slowing down the sales process, like the benefit of creating relationships, whether, whether a sale comes out of that or not, or whether, you know, 2 years from now someone books or recommends 3 people to come on board.

14:50And so you got me a little curious, and then, um, I went out and got the book. Oh, it's here underneath my podcast microphone. The Prosperous Coach. If you're on the YouTube channel watching, you can see it's The Prosperous Coach from Steve Chandler and Rich Litvin. And I started to change my process, but it kind of started with mine before I got on the call.

15:08Lea WernliI know, you know, that's why I invited you when, when you I mean, I, you know me, I don't force you. I just saw how mind really pointed Celia in the direction. So you have to tell that too.

15:24Shailia StephensWell, you know, it just was, I, I kind of intuitively started doing what Leah's talking about already before I came onto the call with Leah, because I started to feel like the way that I used to do sales conversation, even though they had like a really high conversion rate, like, you know, upwards of 80 or 90%, like I had it locked in, basically. But it wasn't working for me like that anymore. It just wasn't working for me. It wasn't working for the clients.

15:51And I was getting kind of getting to the point where I was just feeling like kind of lost and confused. Like, why isn't this working anymore? Why, why don't I not want to do it? Why is it just leading to bad results? And I kind of got the ping from mine to just reach out to some people and spend some time with them. So it was kind of already, already taking place.

16:14Lea WernliSo totally.

16:15Shailia StephensSo Leah and I were just talking before we jumped on the podcast about, like, the enormous benefits of doing things this way. Like, we're talking about spending, you know, Steve Chandler recommends 2 hours with someone minimum on a clarity call or on a, on a, he calls it a transformative conversation. But Leah, we, you know, you and I have been spending 3 or 4 hours sometimes with people over several weeks before we even feel a yes with inside of ourselves.

16:41Lea WernliYes.

16:42Shailia StephensRight. And so do you want to talk about like some of the enormous benefits for both sides to taking that time and slowing down that process?

16:50Lea WernliTotally. And, and stay with us even when you're not a coach, because there is something magical in being of service, no matter what you do. If you're a teacher, a mother, a husband, a friend, a business owner, like there is something in this coming from a loving place and being of service, um, without an agenda in a way.

17:18Shailia StephensYeah.

17:19Lea WernliEven though we need clients and we can be needy and we need money, of course, but I never need it from you. Yeah, like it's just being with you and being of help and from this place. So What, what is the benefit? The benefit is we really get to know each other. So I, I really dive into your world and I get where you are and what's happening in your world. And with coaching, nobody knows what that really means.

18:01Shailia StephensYeah.

18:02Lea WernliYou have to experience it. This room, this presence, this transformation that can happen. So when I spend more time with someone, I see, is there a possibility that this person hears me? And do I hear the other person for real?

18:29Shailia StephensYeah.

18:31Lea WernliI can see if there is something landing when I do it like 2 weeks later again.

18:37Shailia StephensYeah.

18:38Lea WernliAnd maybe 2 weeks later again. And if they already feel this being seen, being heard, this real transformation going— starts for them, there is a trust. And there is a willingness to put your time and money and resources into this Vertrag, like this, this process, this process together. And that, that gives both sides like a really, uh, confidence in a way.

19:17Shailia StephensYeah.

19:19Lea WernliBecause for as a customer, you really can Decide on what you know already and not what you think it can do for you or can't.

19:31Shailia StephensWhat it might be, what the person on the other end is telling you it could be, or what's happened for other clients, right?

19:40Lea WernliAnd for myself as well. So there are like 2 yeses and a very cool match. And we are not for everyone, and that's okay. And I've— I mean, I, like, last week I probably had like 4 conversations with potential new clients, and, um, one already said yes, another one said no yesterday, and the third one is on process of, yeah, that could work, and we will have another conversation for the real yes.

20:24Shailia StephensYeah.

20:25Lea WernliAnd all of these conversations did lead to something. It did lead to more confidence, trust, and a relationship that builds up over time.

20:38Shailia StephensYeah.

20:39Lea WernliSo it's always a yes for me.

20:42Shailia StephensYeah.

20:42Lea WernliIt's never the nos, or, or just part of this whole process, but they're not nos against me or coaching or whatever. It's just not the right person, not the right time, not the right thing.

21:04Shailia StephensYeah.

21:05Lea WernliFor the moment, probably. And it could lead. And even if it doesn't, um, it could lead to something else. And even if it doesn't, I deepened my coaching and got better to explore different people's world. So it's always a win in a way.

21:29Shailia StephensIt's always a win.

21:31Lea WernliYeah. And what, what clients who, who are immersing their themselves in this kind of enrollment process say is what Shelia described. There you need a lot of skills. I mean, that are different skills than being a coach. Writing skills, marketing skills, online skills.

21:56Shailia StephensSpeaking skills.

21:57Lea WernliSpeaking skills.

21:58Shailia StephensTeaching skills.

21:59Lea WernliGreat skills. Shelia has them. Of course she will use them. She wrote one email and 5 people of her list did jump on my, uh, webinars. That's freaking amazing. And do whatever works as well, but with being of service, with creating relationships— that are skills that coaches already have. And in this process, you slow down. You slow down and you are of service. And These 2 things you can use in every situation in your life. Education, being in relationship, having a business, slowing down, really going in deep into a conversation, listen what the other one needs, wants, and, and has to offer. It, it just transforms every relationship, personal and business-wise. I'm absolutely sure of that.

23:11Shailia StephensYeah, absolutely. I, I, I can 100% agree with you, Leah. It's been, it's been like, for me, a transformative last, I don't know, 8 or 10 weeks. Um, every week speaking with 4 or 5 people and just showing up from that place of love and from curiosity. And like you said, from neutrality, like, where are they? Where could they use support? Where are they doing really well already with that, with or without me? Yesterday, I had a conversation with someone who was someone on who comes to our coaching clinic every, every month.

23:48She's the first person to pop into the room. And she's the only one of us who has the animated hearts with her Zoom. And she has such a good energy. And I just invited her just to get to know her. And I heard about her life. She's a textile engineer, and she has 2 teenage sons. And she told me how the 3 principles have changed her life and the life of her family, what that means to her. She was very articulate in like what she's seen so far. And it was just such a beautiful conversation.

24:25And there was no there was nothing involved. And we went our, we went our separate ways, you know, and some other conversations are different. You invite someone in and you really see right now they are struggling with something in their lives. And you can just say, hey, would you like some help with that?

24:41Lea WernliYes.

24:41Shailia StephensUm, do you want to talk about that maybe next week again? Um, and it's such a soft, um, wonderful, heartfelt way of being. And And you know what, I think what you were pointing to just now is like, for all the people who aren't coaches, you sent me an audio, I think when I was in France last week with Sandra, where Steve Chandler was talking about like how it applies to business. Leah, do you want to like repeat what you heard in that? Like, and what made you want to send that over to me?

25:11Lea WernliYeah, it really was, it, it was about like Being focused, he called it, but actually he was talking about slowing down as well. And, and being with someone and being focused on this person and really taking your time will save a lot of time. And it, it applies to being a leader or a coach, but also as a parent or a spouse or a friend. If you really take the time to listen and really hear what your kid wants to say or needs, or what your lover wants to say or needs, it You slow down, they slow down, you slow down, and mind kicks in for both of you.

26:21Shailia StephensYeah.

26:22Lea WernliSo it, it saves time and struggles in every relationship. And when mind kicks in, we get creative, we have better solutions, we see clear. We even see there are examples in it like a leader, maybe there is an Angestellter.

26:46Shailia StephensAn employee who's having struggles.

26:49Lea WernliYeah, an employee who is having struggles, and together you see a creative solution, or you see, hey, maybe that's just not for us anymore. And to go, it's also like a paradigm shift. It's like the 3 principles are a paradigm shift. It's another gateway into mind being of service for you and the other and the conversation. Because if you do, he points out not to do like 10 things very fast, but one thing like this conversation really slow.

27:32Shailia StephensYeah.

27:34Lea WernliUm, then you, you see the doorways. And that's what we see with our clients as well. They start to see the doorways for an easier, lighter, more fulfilled, successful life.

27:49Shailia StephensYeah.

27:50Lea WernliAnd it's always in being present and slowing down and really taking time and He has like examples of a CEO or a leader who, who thinks, I already spoke like, uh, 100 times to this person for 15 minutes. Yeah, but it was like in between and looking at your phone and not being present and doing whatever out of the, the, the, the. And I, I really can see his points with slowing down and taking 2 hours or an hour for this person. You will resolve something quicker than all these attempts to resolve quick.

28:36Shailia StephensYeah.

28:37Lea WernliAnd that's so, so interesting.

28:39Shailia StephensYeah. Yeah.

28:41Lea WernliAnd you start to not do anything by— on yourself anymore all the time because you're rushed or stressed or, or whatever, because you, you see, oh, Celia could do that better than I do. I'm gonna ask her in a quiet moment. Or, you know, I need to call Hans because he knows how to build blah blah blah. And it saves time, time, and it, it opens up a spaciousness.

29:17Shailia StephensYeah.

29:18Lea WernliLike in every relationship, in everything we do.

29:23Shailia StephensAbsolutely. Yeah, that was really inspiring for me. And, you know, I've been thinking about this slowing down like quite a lot lately, and I've just also been noticing we can slow down everywhere. Like, I mean, if I'm sitting down to write an e-newsletter, like just not rushing myself to get it done in 30 minutes, but if I need 2 hours, I need 2 hours to write it. If I want— if I'm talking to someone new and I don't know anything about them, I go to their website now and I'm like, surfing around, seeing if they have any videos online.

29:56I never did that before, Leah. Never prepared for one get-acquainted call before. And then I just thought, you know, why not look into their world, like, already in advance of them coming on board? And that just seems so indulgent, like, I don't have time for that, right? And I know just slowing everything down and saying, no, I do have time for that. That's like that, uh, no, I have an abundance of time for, for this person before we talk and during the time we talk and after. And that started to shift something for me, you know, trying to be on that minimizing the time you spend with clients before, during the relationship. Right. It's a whole different way of thinking.

30:39Lea WernliMm-hmm. Very cool. Yeah. And also for me, it spreads like in my everyday life. I'm, I'm of service in a way. As well. Yeah, it's like just you, you see where you can help or do something, or, or I don't know, it's getting out of your own way as well, in a, in a way.

31:12Shailia StephensYeah, yeah, really cool, really cool.

31:17Lea WernliYeah.

31:18Shailia StephensSuper inspiring, Leah. That's really awesome. Does it feel like a good place to stop?

31:24Lea WernliYes.

31:24Shailia StephensSo thanks, guys, for listening in today. We hope you enjoyed this time for you and that you take away something for yourself, whether you're a coach or a mentor or you are just a person in another area of life, a lawyer, a truck driver, it doesn't matter. You know, there's something in there for everybody, I think. And don't forget to follow and tell a friend if you like this conversation, you want to share it with someone else. And Leah, another thing that I wanted to let people know is like underneath all of these podcast episodes, if you go, um, especially onto our main website, which I'm gonna get a domain for soon— Leah, I put—

32:03Lea WernliYeah, cool.

32:04Shailia StephensI forgot to do that. Um, I wanted to let you guys know we always put a link to the My Secret Life interviews. Um, the address for that is www.mysecretlife-interviews.com. And why we're pointing you there is like if you want to even dive deeper into this understanding of the Principles. There are 21 amazing interviews. Actually, there's another 8 bonus interviews in there as well, where you can just kind of binge-watch, uh, cool stories about people's lives and, you know, get a calmer, deeper, more loving feeling as you watch.

32:37And yeah, learn more about these principles that we're always talking about as well. So I wanted to say that also in a couple of podcast episodes from here. So we mentioned that quite a bit.

32:47Lea WernliYeah. Bye.

32:49Shailia StephensBye, guys.