20 – Beauty Unfiltered: Finding Radiance from Within

0:04Shailia StephensSo hello and good morning from Shellya and Leah. We just had a WhatsApp exchange and decided to hop on very spontaneously to get some podcast episodes in. Good morning, Leah.

0:20Lea WernliHi, Shellya. How are you?

0:23Shailia StephensI'm really good. I missed you. I feel like we haven't spoken in forever.

0:30Lea WernliI know, I missed you too.

0:31Shailia StephensSo you, you just got back from a vacation and I was going to write you yesterday and say, is Mario feeling better? Did you guys make it home? Like, what happened?

0:45Lea WernliBarely, barely. I just told a client that it's so amazing. I mean, as you guys know, we always talk about life and the experience of life from the knowing of the 3 principles, like mind, consciousness, thought. And I mean, if I would have told myself how amazing this vacation has been a couple of years ago, um, I would have thought this lady is strange, weird, crazy, cuckoo, I don't know, but I mean, come on. Why? All of my family was— they were sick.

1:33So it started with the bigger one, and then myself. I had to go to the hospital, and I couldn't join my family to drive down. I had to take the train like a day later. Then it was the smaller one, and at the end, my husband as well. So I mean, it was, um, we— and the weather was quite bad, but I don't know.

2:04Shailia StephensThe desire for a vacation.

2:08Lea WernliEverything what, what you would wish for. But I don't know, it's really this— Sydney Banks used to say— Dick told me that, I don't know, I haven't met him, but, um, that he always was like this, whoa, that's just the best cup of coffee I've ever had. And it, it often feels like that. I mean, sometimes the sun came out and I was down in the street nearby, was like a huge construction, construction site.

2:41Shailia StephensMhm.

2:41Lea WernliAnd I mean, the sun was just there for like 10 minutes and I had a cup of coffee on a bench and I thought, oh, that's just the bloody best coffee I've ever had. So, um, it's just so much more fun to be in the present moment than in my head. In my head, I used to think, what, it's raining, my family is sick, we're not doing what we want to do. And without— or not without, but not taking it that serious, um, then it just can be the best coffee that you ever had because it's just the best coffee you are able to have in this moment. It's the only one.

3:39Shailia StephensYeah.

3:41Lea WernliAnd actually, I jump in our topic because it was on that bench with that coffee that I'm referring to that Shelly and myself had a very funny WhatsApp exchange, and I had just to laugh so hard because we knew exactly what we were talking about. So, you're so vain. You're so vain.

4:09Shailia StephensYou're so vain. You probably this song is about?

4:14Lea WernliOh, dear.

4:17Shailia StephensNo, it was a— it was like a super funny middle-aged lady conversation.

4:24Lea WernliYes.

4:24Shailia StephensAnd I've thought about it a lot since, Leah, and I thought it'd be so fun to do it on the podcast today because maybe we have some like middle-aged ladies and men out there listening in. And who knows at all if there's any like 3P wisdom in there or if it's just gonna be a funny topic. I don't know. But yeah, so I was a couple of— well, it's been several weeks since we've done some podcasts, and I'm usually the person to put it all together for the English list at the moment. And I made a screenshot of Lea.

5:00Lea WernliThe last one. If you are on our list, you know what we are talking about.

5:07Shailia StephensYou know, you know. And you have to know that I love Leah so much. Like, I really go through the video and I try to find the most flattering, best, you know, photos that show her in action or like something interesting or fun for the users. And then Leah saw the video or the screenshot. It went out on the email, I guess, last Friday automatically. And what did you write me? I can't even remember what you said, but it was so funny. I almost peed my pants.

5:38Lea WernliNo, it's something like I look like the crazy lady in court. Yeah, it was like one hand up, like the left one. I don't know, in the US it's the right or the left, and I just didn't look that good and a bit crazy and just like Like a crazy lady in court. Yeah. And so it started there. Like, whoa, look at that picture. And what's funny is, um, on my side, it was not like this, oh, how do I look? It was more like, oh, whoa, that's how I looked?

6:27Shailia StephensYeah, it was like, it was a total middle-aged lady moment. And then, you know, I got back to Leah and I relayed like a situation that I have been experiencing recently. And so let's start there, huh, Leah?

6:44Lea WernliYes.

6:45Shailia StephensSo basically, I wrote back and I was just laughing. At first, I was like, I really wanted to convey to you, I was— there was— that was— I didn't have much to choose from. There was like— that was— I was like, that's kind of how we looked that day. There was like not a lot I could help. Mine looked just crazy too. And I was telling her how the last couple of months, for whatever reason, like for no reason at all, it's like I haven't lost weight, I haven't changed my hair, I haven't like done some special facial treatment or makeup or something, but I was just feeling like really good about myself.

7:22I was just like looking in the mirror in the morning and liking what I see. And I was kind of like prancing around Epstein. If you've been to Epstein, It's like this very small town where, where I'm known because I walk around with a Dalmatian and a huge, you know, windhound, greyhound dog, just like, you know, walking by the bakery, be like, hey, look at me over here, you know, just like, I was just feeling myself. I was just so happy that I was at a space where, you know, where I was feeling good.

7:54And then we had a photo shooting recently, not Leah and myself, but I flew down to the south of France. to meet with Sandra Heim. And anyone who knows Sandra Heim, she does the podcast with us for the German podcast. And Sandra's half Swedish, half German, so she's tall and slim and blonde. Like, she literally looks like that lady from ABBA, like, back in the '70s, like the way she looked back then, not the way she looks now. And I'm just like going with my fine self down to the south of France.

8:31We had a photoshoot. And I decided— I made the executive inner decision. Leah, you'll be so proud of me. I said, I'm not going to look at the screen over there. Like, you know, you can— in this day and age, all the photos are digital. And I'm like, I'm not going to look on that screen. I'm just gonna have fun, be present in the moment. Because if I look at that screen, I'm going to find some flaw, something bad about myself, and I'm going to get depressed.

9:00And I'm just going to sink into like a puddle of self-depreciation. And so I didn't look. And then I got home. And I was like, okay, so now I have some time, you know, just to be back in my home. And on Sunday, already after the Friday photo shooting, the photographer had already sent over the photos. And Sandra sent me a link. And I clicked on the link to the live session. You know how the photographer has like, they'll send you the 900 photos unfiltered No, nothing taken out or nothing edited.

9:36And they'll just be like, here, you know, this is the result of our, of our shooting, pick something nice. And I looked in there. I, I almost cried. Like, every picture that I saw just looked like this middle-aged, old, fat lady. And I was standing beside this Swedish goddess, like, in the picture. Like, I wanted— I've been meaning this week to send you some of the really bad ones just for fun. I haven't gotten around to it, but like, I mean, some really bad— I mean, some of the worst photos that God has ever seen taken of me.

10:20And, um, I was just like, yeah, no, maybe the reality of my fine self. It's not the reality of my fine self. So that's kind of what I relayed back to Leah in a short form. And you got it, right? Like, what did you, what did you hear?

10:39Lea WernliYeah, totally. No, I, I, I, and there is a lot to see in that. I mean, that's, I totally got it. I felt exactly the same. I mean, really, I feel so good. And And what's really interesting is I, I see the beauty in you. I totally see it.

11:03Shailia StephensIt's there.

11:04Lea WernliIt's radiating.

11:05Shailia StephensWhen you said that to me last week, she did tell me that. I was just like, thank you, Leah. Thank you.

11:10Lea WernliAnd for real, not just like, oh, I love her and that's why I say it. I, I truly see it in the way you walk and the way you talk and the way you just are in the world. You are beautiful. And then we've got these bloody images.

11:32Shailia StephensYeah.

11:33Lea WernliI wanted to say something. I'm going a bit like further down. And I met Helga, my best friend in Berlin. And She told me the whole time how beautiful I am and that she's just— she's also a beauty like, like this. I mean, Sandra and Helga and a lot of others are in a way, um, like this, how beauty is described.

12:11Shailia StephensYeah.

12:12Lea WernliAs well, like the features and the height and The blondness. Yeah, the blondness or the darkness or whatever. So there is the— we've got images how beauty looks like, and they're fed through films and books and stories. And also, yeah, there is something in a beautiful design that we can appreciate. So, and there is beauty in all of us, of course, in every shape, in every form, in every— in, in, in the being aliveness of being young, middle-aged, old.

12:55Shailia StephensYeah.

12:56Lea WernliAnd what's funny, or as you said, you felt so beautiful and you saw yourself, or you see yourself As beautiful too. And me too. And I had this crazy, like, middle-aged lady putting up her arm. And it matters and it doesn't matter in a way. It matters because of course we also have the images that how we want to look. on the outside, and it doesn't always, um, resemble the thing that we think that we will.

13:47Shailia StephensYeah.

13:48Lea WernliSo that's one thing. And the other is Helga was really like the whole time, you look so good. And actually, guys, if you see another crazy photo I I'm coming just like I didn't do anything with my hair and no makeup, but I feel beautiful. So it doesn't matter however we will look on the screenshot. And what happened is she took photos of me that looked beautiful. She saw the beauty in me as I see the beauty in you.

14:25Shailia StephensHmm.

14:26Lea WernliYeah, she really looked at me from the angles of, oh, I'm gonna take the photo here because she looks so nice from there.

14:37Shailia StephensYeah.

14:38Lea WernliI see the beauty in the picture the same as I see in her. And sometimes someone who takes picture of us sees that and captures it, and, and we feel seen regardless of the beauty standards. That's kind of— I mean, me too.

14:59Shailia StephensAbsolutely.

14:59Lea WernliI've got this gorgeous tall sister and everyone was always like, oh. And actually, I've never been jealous. I've— I just see the beauty in her outside and in. And, and the strange thing is, often she doesn't look that beautiful on photos because And nobody cared to really look for the, the real feature, the— where does she— the essence, you know?

15:30Shailia StephensYeah.

15:31Lea WernliSo that's what Helga did, and I have like tons of just beautiful looking photos. And then the moment I came home, somebody else— I will not mention who it was—

15:48Shailia StephensI know who it was.

15:49Lea WernliTook a photo of me. And no, actually another one that was very cool at the party. And I felt exactly the same. I was wearing exactly the same clothes, really, as I did in Berlin. And I was— I'm on a photo and I look really weird. And like, I mean, I, middle-aged, weird, crazy, in the court lady again.

16:25Shailia StephensYeah.

16:25Lea WernliAnd I did send it to Helga and I said, look, that's what I mean. You see me in another way. And she, we, as we did, we just had to laugh so hard because it was like, what? The F?

16:43Shailia StephensYeah.

16:43Lea WernliWhy can't they see that you look so nice? She was really like in this— no, that's not you. I see you. And it's the same for me. That's not you. I see you in all your beauty and aliveness. And also like beautiful because we are, we are between guys.

17:09Shailia StephensVain, vain.

17:12Lea WernliWe like to look good and we want to look young and healthy and vibrant and sexy, vibrant and sexy and everything. And, and it matters and it doesn't matter. It's kind of both.

17:26Shailia StephensYeah.

17:27Lea WernliAnd before, I mean, these photos would have, I mean, devastated, devastated you and, and me. And, and we get it that we think, no, What's going on? Yeah. And nowadays we, we really— I mean, we laughed our asses off. It was so funny.

17:49Shailia StephensWe did.

17:51Lea WernliJust to see, yes, sometimes it doesn't match, and it's true, maybe we didn't look that good, and that's fine too. And it's not true, like both.

18:02Shailia StephensYeah, totally, totally. Yeah, I love that. And You know, exactly what you said. It matters and it doesn't matter. And I love just the idea of— I liked coming back home, forgetting about those pictures and coming back into the feeling of my fine self, you know, just like—

18:24Lea WernliYes.

18:24Shailia StephensYou know, being your own hype person. I love that. And I also had, you know, some reflection on it, like how does our eyes get so warped to anyway, or the other. And one of the things that came to me is like, we are immersed in this fake world. It's like, did you see this morning? I, I— Heiko, my husband, on the weekend, he was updating some programs on my computer because I'm trying to get it to work better. It's not been working so well lately.

18:56And he installed some new things on my computer because I usually let that alarm come up 1,000 times and don't update the software, right? And so Zoom got updated. So this morning when I started, when we jumped online, I realized the whole program looks different on Zoom and they've put a filter over my camera picture. So can you see the different colors of my eyes this morning? How, how they pop? You see that it looks like I have a Photoshop filter over my face?

19:31Lea WernliTotally.

19:32Shailia StephensSo I did not do that. I didn't, I didn't go into Zoom and say, I would like to use a filter that makes me, that makes me look different, right? And so it's the same on so many places that we're looking at ourselves in the mirror, whether it's on Zoom, it's taking a photo from our camera. I don't— I'm 100% sure there's some sort of filtery function when we take a picture from our selfie on our phone. And then we sort of get this distorted view of how we look.

20:05And then there's another thing. I don't know if you do this, Leah, but, you know, I like— I've been interested in clothes since I did that styling with Sophie. Like, before, I dressed like a literal bag lady and didn't know what went together. Leah's kind of always been stylish. She's like got that Parisian chic from probably being there when she was 5. But I just did not know how to dress. Like, I grew up in Tennessee, and if you had on like an XXL t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants and you went to Walmart in your flip-flops, you were good.

20:34You're probably like the best looking one in the Walmart. So I, I really had to learn and, and, and teach myself like how, how to dress. And so Sophie gave me the tip to start looking onto Pinterest and like collecting, uh, ideas that fit to my body shape, to my style, to my colors. And so, I mean, that's been 2018 since we had that style sort of consultation. And since then, I took her advice and I love to do that. So I'll go in there for the spring season and I'll put together like a Pinterest mood board.

21:10You can go follow me there if you want to. You can just search my name, Shelly Stevens, and see what I'm like collecting. Some of my friends do that. And what I, what I noticed is like I would then I would collect these sort of beautiful clothing kind of examples that I loved and I would sort of get an inspiration for how I'd want to dress myself in this season. And I didn't realize that there was so much— let's see, what's the word? Not filter, not flaw, but like distortion in it.

21:40Lea WernliMm-hmm.

21:41Shailia StephensAnd the way that I saw it was my best friend Alyssa, who's been on the podcast, she went and did her summer, you know, capsule wardrobe on Pinterest. And she was like, yeah, I'm going for this vintage romantic sailor look. And she was like, here's the link, go look. And I clicked on the link and I saw— the first thing I saw was it's all like navy blue, white, red stripes, sailor look, right? That was the first thing. But then I realized that every single person who was wearing the clothes was stick thin.

22:14No curves, no breasts. Very— just very sort of, you know, modelly type, tall and slim. And my friend is not that, right? Like, as I am not that. We are just kind of shorter, curvy individuals. And then I thought, huh, well, is my board like that? Because I didn't even notice. And so I went over to my board and I saw, whoa, these are younger, stick-thin people wearing these clothes. Now, does that matter for my inspiration? No. But I feel like something in my brain started to see me as belonging to that.

22:56Like, it's my Pinterest board. I'm going to be wearing those similar things, right? I'm, I'm just as thin and slim and, you know, long-haired and young as these, as these girls. And so I had a thought. I had a real think about that this week, Leah. And I thought, it's not, it's not unusual or strange that there's such a disconnect in and how we look and how we think we look in today's sort of the way we live in the world, like via digital media, the way we look at ourselves through the mirror of Zoom and other filters.

23:31Right. So, yeah, nobody has to do anything with that information because it's not important. But it just— it was interesting. It was just interesting to notice. And I had to think about You know, the kids, the teenagers who are online, you know, even more and seeing themselves through, through the eyes and the mirrors of the technology and all the things. And I sort of got a feeling for the first time about where, you know, some of that insecurity is maybe coming from and how, how they are, how they're feeling. Yeah.

24:08Lea WernliYeah, I know. And Yeah, and I think in every area it's just so good to know that we don't have to take our insecurities that serious.

24:25Shailia StephensYeah.

24:25Lea WernliAnd, and, and to be in the world and to realize how— what, what's happening and to interact with the things and to be aware. Probably it's always, always when we see something, we— the awareness shifts in a way.

24:48Shailia StephensYeah.

24:49Lea WernliAnd yeah, to— we— there is no right or wrong. We can everything both, and but To see also the manipulation that is happening, how we should look, how we should age, how we should— and to play with whatever we want to play.

25:16Shailia StephensYeah.

25:16Lea WernliWe too, we love makeup, we love clothes, we— but I already did when I was a little girl, but it also would be fine if I just started out because And to be alive and, and our, our biggest cheer and, and seeing the beauty in the essence and in the, in, in the other, in the heart, in the love, and not just in the appearance.

25:49Shailia StephensYeah.

25:49Lea WernliYeah. So thank you.

25:53Shailia StephensSorry, guys, I just looked a bit shocked because I have a meeting at 11 and someone's trying to come in the room where we're meeting. Sorry about that. Yeah, I so agree with that, Leah. And I, I feel like, you know, too, I'm so glad for this understanding of the 3 principles, you know, just because it leads us also to a more vibrant and alive life, to a more healthy life, to a life where we take care of ourselves better and those around us.

26:23Lea WernliYes.

26:23Shailia StephensTo more love, presence, and well-being, which is what we're trying to nurture with this podcast. And All of those things lead to a more beautiful self inside and out. And yeah, so I want you to know, Leah, I think you're the most beautiful person. I love you so much. And to everyone listening, I think you're beautiful too.

26:47Lea WernliThanks.

26:47Shailia StephensAnd I hope this conversation was just, if not anything, fun today. And maybe you did hear something for yourself. I hope so. And we'll see you on the next episode of Time for You. Don't forget to follow us, um, on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and tell a friend. We, we love it, um, when this understanding, these conversations get spread with people you care about, um, so that we can all come into, yeah, even a more wonderful life. So, yeah.

27:17Lea WernliSee you soon.

27:17Shailia StephensBye.

27:17Lea WernliBye.