Automatisch erstellt und nicht Wort für Wort korrigiert. Ein Klick auf eine Zeitmarke springt an die Stelle in der Folge.
0:05Shailia StephensSo guys, hey, welcome. It's time for you. Leah just made me turn the, um, the record button on. We've been talking, Leah, how long? For an hour and 22 minutes.
0:20Lea WernliYes.
0:21Shailia StephensAnd we were supposed to be recording podcasts and Leah said if I didn't turn the button on, we weren't going to get one episode in today, which, which she's not wrong. So, um, hi, it's Shelia and Lea, and welcome back to Time for You. So Lea, I'm now— I'm going to put you on the spot and make you start talking. Go, go for it.
0:44Lea WernliYeah, I, I just wanted, um, you guys to hear what Shelia was talking about, and we were talking at the end, um, about the end. about the end of life. And sometimes it's sooner, sometimes it's later. And we just had a chat about what is it, what remains, what is really important. And yeah, so back to you, Shiljoh. What did you just say? What is it? What is really important and what remains?
1:23Shailia StephensYeah, what remains is love. You know, everyone says it, everyone talks about it. Like, you're go— you're coming into this world with nothing, you're going out with nothing, and what, what remains? Um, it's love. And the, the reason we were talking about that, it's like, you know, you know, guys, we're, we're always Working on ourselves. Leanne and I were having a conversation about money and where we are in our own personal journey with that, and how one person is more managed for spending or not, or how much is on the bank account.
2:03And I'm not saying that those things don't have relevance. I mean, we've got to pay our rent and we've got to eat, and we want to go maybe on a vacation and, you know, have some leftover when we're old. But— I was telling Leah that, you know, I've been spending the last, whew, almost 3 months now, pretty much every day or every other day at the least, at a nursing home where my mother-in-law is with a pretty bad case of dementia, a very big tumor in her lung that's filling up every couple of weeks with like 3, 3.5 liters of fluid and where she can't breathe.
2:47I see, you know, all of the other people there, um, at the home who are, you know, also in different stages of dementia, also in different stages of health conditions, not being able to take care of themselves. And it has been one of the biggest gifts to me in my life to go there, Leah. Um, You know, just being present, just sitting with another human being who is confused and sometimes in pain, or sometimes both.
3:29Lea WernliMm-hmm.
3:31Shailia StephensAnd just being able to hold their hand, just being able to tell a joke, to go through a magazine and look at the commercials with the different clothes that that person used to wear. You know, bringing stuffed animals.
3:59Lea WernliMm-hmm.
4:01Shailia StephensI read somewhere that people with dementia really, especially at night when they're alone and they wake up and they're confused, it's good to have a cuddly little animal that they can remember from the night before, that they don't feel as alone. And it's all these little acts and gestures of love, um, that, that matter.
4:24Lea WernliMm-hmm.
4:25Shailia StephensUm, and not just to them, to me.
4:28Lea WernliMm-hmm.
4:30Shailia StephensTo me too. So yeah, that's what we were talking about. Leah, what do you want to add to that?
4:40Lea WernliYeah, I just hear we all walk each other home, like every day, always. And so simple, so comforting, and not easy because we're delusional. often, or we're caught up in our thinking, or we think we need to, or— and I— what I also heard is like being in the present moment and being in love, it's kind of the same.
5:27Shailia StephensYeah.
5:29Lea WernliWhen you're present, you're loving. And presence can be learned. And that's cool to know because sometimes love is a really big word and a lot of people are afraid or have a story around.
5:55Shailia StephensMm-hmm.
5:56Lea WernliAnd who do I love? How do I love? When do I love? But maybe it's being present with another being, another human being, with ourself. And then from there, there is this space. And in this space, we just can't not love. So, oh, that's easier. Then we don't have to be worthy or without traumas or not having our story. Everything can be in this space too, but it doesn't matter that much. And that sounds doable. to come back to this moment again and again and again.
6:55Shailia StephensYeah. Yeah, that's beautiful.
6:59Lea WernliAnd as you said, maybe it doesn't matter how fucked up we are. On the human experience. All of us have storms and things that we did good or bad, or we would change, or we need to improve. Sometimes we need to do something else. But to, to give more space to the space Maybe it's there.
7:42Shailia StephensYeah. Yeah. And I just had to think of something funny, Leah. You know, one, one of the gifts of presence, at least at the old people's home, is you get to see so many beautiful things and moments and so much, yeah, just so much beauty. You know, it's, it's, it's not even just about giving the love. It's also just seeing also in the, in the most, what we would consider the worst place to end up, to see the most beauty. And there's this lady there. Her name is Frau Bohn, Mrs. Bean.
8:29Lea WernliMm-hmm.
8:30Shailia StephensThat's how you would translate it. And she's about this high. If you're— you can't see the video, she's probably like, just probably 4 foot 9 or something. She's little, she's little. And, um, my mother-in-law for the longest time kept saying, she's young, what is she doing here?
8:48Lea WernliBecause she's small.
8:50Shailia StephensBecause she's small and she's got a little bowl cut haircut and she's like so childlike. Um, and, um, Miss Bean, um, she apparently used to be a really smart lady. She had a sort of an artistry store and a successful business nearby. And when she came into the home, she was able to still talk and articulate, and people got to know her there. So that's why they know. And her dementia has gone so forward that she's just out of it. And she has a sentence she repeats over and over, like all day, all day that she's awake.
9:31And it's, can I go outside? Can I go outside? Can I go outside? Can I go outside? Like, it's on loop the whole day. She's driving everybody crazy. Um, but she's so cute, Leah. She's so adorable. And, um, a lot of times I sit by her and I hold her hand and I do puzzles with her. When you've got her focused on something, she can— um, her mind comes back. It turns back on. She's so smart. Um, but anyway, the other day she got it in her head she was gonna go back home.
10:01And she was telling the name of her village and saying, I'm going back home. And it was time for bed. And she was taken to her room by one of the care facility helpers, and they put on her pajamas and stuff. And, and I said to Heiko, my husband, I was like, she'll be back in 5 minutes. And here comes, 5 minutes, Frau Bone around the corner. And she's got on her nightgown. And she's got on a hat and she's got on a parka, no shoes, and she's ready to go home, you know. And the care lady comes back and takes her to bed. 5 minutes later, she's back. This time she's got on her nightgown and her Nike tennis shoes.
10:44Lea WernliBut no hat.
10:46Shailia StephensNo hat, no coat. And, you know, I mean, it was just so joyful for me. to just see this— this, I mean, it was confusion. It's sad. You can see it as sad. But it was so fun and joyful. And I just felt so much love for her.
11:15Lea WernliMm-hmm.
11:16Shailia StephensYou know? And there is— So yeah, what— why I started telling you that is like, what really matters? Does it matter what Frau Bowen did in her job? If she was good with her money or bad with her money? If she was a great mom or grandmom?
11:38Lea WernliWho is good? Who is bad?
11:40Shailia StephensWho is good? Who's bad? You know, in, in that moment, the only thing that matters is the love that we felt for her, you know, that, that little simple moment of joy. Yeah. That's why I was saying to you.
12:02Lea WernliYes, I know. Isn't that interesting? And it probably, it is this, this back and forth and crazy dance of it matters because it probably did matter to her when she was 40 and a successful business lady. So it was important for that moment. And now it doesn't matter. And it's okay that it doesn't. And maybe it's both. And yeah. And what remains, it's love. So I'm with you totally. And I know, yeah, sometimes it does matter, but not in the way of feeling ashamed or, I don't know, being mean to ourselves because we're not able to change or do things differently or see through, but maybe there is something from inside, like a little nudge of, hmm, maybe that's an experience.
13:17Shailia StephensYeah.
13:18Lea WernliTo learn or to change something or to fail again. So also not being afraid of these experiences or wants or things that seem to matter in certain areas. But at the end, I'm, I'm totally sure and with you that the love, the presence, the, the relationships we have, how we are with ourselves and others and in connection and community in a way, um, is what, what holds us.
14:01Shailia StephensYeah.
14:04Lea WernliAnd, and I don't know, smoothen that crazy human experience a little tiny bit.
14:16Shailia StephensYeah.
14:19Lea WernliYeah, for sure.
14:21Shailia StephensYeah. Yeah. So there you go. The forced podcast that Lea made me push the button on. We did one. We did one. We're back again, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, thanks. Thanks for listening in today. And you'll hear whatever you heard. And for someone, I'm pretty sure, Lea, for someone, it will be exactly the right thing for them to hear today. So good that you're here. And we will be together again on the next episode. Till then.
14:58Lea WernliBye.
